Author: Nicholas Signoretta

Cities Of Detroit And Cleveland To Fight For Custody Of La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Team: La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Week In Review 5/1/23

Satire

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Custody court is no laughing matter. (Just ask my dreaded ex-wife, Sheila)

This Wednesday, May 3rd, the United States Supreme Court is set to hear a heated custody case concerning the cities of Detroit and Cleveland and their battle to attain sole guardianship of the 2023 La Salle University women’s lacrosse team.  The Explorers capped off a thrilling 0-15 season this past Saturday with a 16-3 home loss to the Davidson Wildcats (11-5, 6-3), which caught the eyes of both Rust Belt cities and spawned this past weekend’s dispute.  Both urban dumpster fires were inspired by La Salle’s winless campaign, bringing back fond memories of each city’s own victoryless trainwreck seasons (the Detroit Lions went 0-16 in 2008, and the Cleveland Browns matched this record in 2017).  The rush for the lacrosse team’s talent was also inspired by both metropolises’ desire to preserve their mark as the biggest losers in the modern sports culture, although many are scratching their heads wondering how the gain of thirty or so college lacrosse players will help those two NFL teams continue their descent to athletic irrelevance. While the idea behind the fight for the Explorers’ lacrosse team is not already confusing enough, more news from inside the case is creating shockwaves throughout the sports world.

The latest from behind the scenes is painting the narrative that, to nobody’s surprise, neither city really has any redeeming qualities to build a case upon.  While each city’s legal team has been working tirelessly to come up with arguments for their respective client’s case, time is winding down and the opening gavel is inching closer and closer, yet it is being reported that neither group can really find a single positive attribute to sway the decision in their city’s favor.  “When it comes to Detroit and Cleveland, I don’t think a single good thing has been brought up yet,” stated Cleveland’s lead attorney, Reese Witherspoon.  “I’m not really sure what I am even in on the case for,” continued Witherspoon, “I tried to explain to the Browns’ upper management that I wasn’t really a Harvard Law School graduate and that I was only acting, but they insisted I was the woman for the job.”  Sources report that Cleveland’s higherups first sought out Gregory Peck of 1962’s “To Kill a Mockingbird” to lead their legal team, only to discover Peck had passed two decades ago.  Cleveland then looked up other famous lawyers, but Detroit had already beaten them to the rights to sign “Better Call Saul” actor Bob Odenkirk.  Neither side has actually contacted anyone with real legal experience, further displaying both front offices’ incompetence regarding the acquisition of talent.

Either Detroit or Cleveland. (The difference is marginal)

The La Salle Collegian will be bringing updates concerning the trial all week, including if the women’s lacrosse team can get the trial postponed to a later date dependent on either the Explorers winning a game next season or a nicer city like New York, Los Angeles, or Miami going winless and joining the battle for custody.

From The La Salle Collegian, this is Nicholas Signoretta reporting.

ChatGPT Takes On The Collegian Sports Section: La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Week In Review 4/25/23

Satire, Sports

Nicholas Signoretta?, Editor

ChatGPT, but with an explosion. (I already had a stock image of an explosion)

In the absence of the much-maligned sports editor Nicky Signoretta, the people in power at The La Salle Collegian have decided to hop on the latest fad and utilize society’s greatest new piece of technology.  If Signoretta and fellow sports editor Enrique Carrasco cannot write a quality women’s lacrosse article to save their lives, why not let ChatGPT have a swing at it?  The revolutionary artificial intelligence program can write essays and papers for students (or so I have heard), so what is stopping it from climbing the journalism ladder and ascending to point of writing the feature piece for Sports Illustrated?  Using the search prompt shown below, ChatGPT cooked up several potential articles for its dedicated fanbase, and now it is time to dig into the fruits of our little computer friend’s labor.

The input used for this article’s exercise. (Contain your excitement)

ChatGPT: La Salle University’s women’s lacrosse team is a strong and competitive program that has a history of success on the field. The team is part of the Atlantic 10 conference and plays its home games at McCarthy Stadium in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Uninspired Writer: This is not a terrible start.  It reads like a Wikipedia page, but it is the foundation for a lacrosse article for dummies.

The La Salle women’s lacrosse team has a dedicated coaching staff led by Head Coach Caitlin Powers, who has been with the program since 2018. Coach Powers has an impressive lacrosse background, having played at the Division I level herself and coached at both the Division I and II levels before coming to La Salle.

And that was quick.  Already making up a new head coach (she could be an upgrade).

The La Salle Women’s Lacrosse team has a history of success, with numerous conference championships and NCAA tournament appearances. They have also produced many talented players who have gone on to play professionally or coach at the collegiate level.

And we go further into the realm of fantasy.  I do not know what version of La Salle ChatGPT is playing as in MyCareer in NCAA Wolax 23, but the real-life counterpart has not experienced close to this level of success.

In recent years, the team has continued to perform at a high level, consistently ranking among the top teams in the Atlantic 10 Conference. In the 2021 season, the team finished with a record of 7-4, including a thrilling 13-12 win over conference rival George Mason.

La Salle finished 5-9 in 2021.  They did not play the George Mason Patriots that year.

In the 2002-2003 NBA season, Tim Duncan was at the peak of his game and established himself as one of the most dominant players in the league. He led the San Antonio Spurs to a championship victory, earning himself the NBA Finals MVP award in the process.

Duncan’s dominance in that season can be attributed to his exceptional all-around skills as a power forward. He was an excellent scorer, averaging 23.3 points per game, and a great rebounder, averaging 12.9 rebounds per game. He also played outstanding defense, averaging 2.9 blocks per game and 0.7 steals per game.

Moreover, Duncan’s leadership, consistency, and unselfishness were instrumental to the Spurs’ success that season. He was known for his calm demeanor and ability to lead by example, setting a high standard for his teammates on both ends of the court.

Overall, Tim Duncan’s performance in the 2002-2003 NBA season was nothing short of outstanding, and his dominance was a key factor in the San Antonio Spurs’ championship run that year.

Wow!  ChatGPT nailed its analysis on 2003 Tim Duncan.  Not sure how this ended up in a search about La Salle women’s lacrosse, but this might be the most factual statement that this computer spat out.

2003 Tim Duncan. (Not to be confused with Katie Rhodes Duncan)

The moral of the story: ChatGPT knows little about La Salle women’s lacrosse and tons about the dominance of Tim Duncan in the 2002-2003 NBA season.  This upcoming week, the La Salle Explorers (0-14, 0-8) celebrate their Senior Day during their season finale at McCarthy Field against the Davidson Wildcats (10-5, 5-3).  The game will be played on Saturday, April 29th, and will begin at 12PM EST.  The game will be streamed on ESPN+.  Just one last dance left.

From The La Salle Collegian, this is (redacted) reporting.

Nicholas Joseph Signoretta Obituary

Satire

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor (How Is That Even Possible?)

Signoretta enjoying his favorite bovine beverage. (mmmmmm, milk)

Nicholas Signoretta, the sports editor for the notable publication The La Salle Collegian, has been found dead in his North Philadelphia estate.  The twenty-one-year-old (twenty-three depending on alternate identification) was found to have passed from what officials are describing as a “milky” overdose.  Sources are reporting that Signoretta was an avid fan of the dairy drink despite roommates claiming he was “definitely” lactose-intolerant.

Suspicions are beginning to swirl around Signoretta’s sudden demise as it marks the second Collegian sports editor to pass in the past six months after Enrique Carrasco’s tragic suicide last October.  Fears revolving around the position and its potentially fatal repercussions have discouraged up-and-coming talent from signing with the critically acclaimed newspaper.  Several editors for the paper have since entered the transfer portal.

Nicholas Joseph Signoretta

October 8th, 2001 – April 15th, 2023

Fly High (Like Kinda High, But Not Has High As Enrique) King

Bagel Review With Claire And Luke: Sid Booker’s Shrimp Corner, Philadelphia, PA

Foolegian

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Breakfast Sandwich. (courtesy of Claire Ortiz)

Welcome back to Bagel Reviews with Claire and Luke.  This week, we took a trip to one of our favorite local spots by campus to consume the treasure that is offered at the corner of Belfield Avenue and Broad Street.  Sid Booker’s is a classic spot to indulge in one of the tastiest breakfast sandwiches west of the Delaware, so Claire and I knew we had to hit up this spot soon for another bagel review.

Sid Booker’s Shrimp Corner. (courtesy of Claire Ortiz)

Unfortunately, Sid Booker’s was out of sausage, bacon, eggs, cheese, and any bagels whatsoever, so we had to give them a strike for that.  Having to deviate from our normal order, Claire and I instead settled on a half-dozen shrimp.  The shrimp were well fried and crispy, and the potato chips that were clearly out of a Herr’s ridged bag were the perfect complement to the breaded shellfish.  Overall, we’re going to give it a A=lwh/5.

Sid Booker’s Menu. (courtesy of Claire Ortiz)

While the novelty of Sid Booker’s was cool, next week, Claire and I will be returning to our normal formula and looking for a tasty sandwich at our local Red Lobster.

Sid Booker’s classic sausage, egg, and cheese on a poppy seed bagel. (courtesy of Claire Ortiz)

Local Restaurant To Close After Passing Health Inspection: La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Week In Review 4/4/23

Foolegian

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Crouching Tiger Golden Dragon. (Often confused with the popular 2000 martial arts movie)

What does this article have to do with La Salle, women, or lacrosse you may be asking?  Nothing.  But anyone who has read all of my articles will have noticed I only shoot a measly 50% from the field when it comes to actually summarizing what happened in the most recent week’s on field action, so I would say it is fairly in character of me to just throw the header of “Wolax Week In Review” on anything that I write.  Now, on to my scheduled gag.

Local Olney eatery Crouching Tiger Golden Dragon was put to rest this past Saturday after they committed the egregious sin of passing their prior month’s health inspection.  Golden Dragon, a Chinese restaurant that also sold cheesesteaks, pizza, empanadas, and artisan baked goods, was shocked to learn of their violation of passing their inspection.  The owner, Paul, was upset to learn the infestation of rats and sewage that he had spent years facilitating in the restaurant’s basement was not enough to push regional health inspectors to fail the joint during their checkup.  Loyal customers were also distraught upon hearing the news, stating, “You think you trust a place to provide you with dirt cheap food at 2AM, but no, now they can’t even cook my burger on an unclean griddle.  The sanitation of my go-to spot has been above code for years, and I have been eating it this whole time none the wiser.”

What is to come next for Crouching Tiger Golden Dragon, Paul, or its loyal customers is anyone’s guess, but all we can hope for is that no other local eateries fall into the same trap as this beloved spot.

From The Collegian, this is Nicky Signoretta reporting.

Wolax Is On Sabbatical; Time For Water Polo: La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Week In Review 3/28/23

Sports

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

La Salle Women’s Water Polo v. Charleston Women’s Lacrosse. (c. 2023 colorized)

With one foot already dipping into the pool of satirical nonsense after my most recent journalism effort, this week felt like a good time to harness whatever decency I had left in the tank to conjure up an article so ripe with incomprehensible garbage and gaslighting that it could be sighted whenever I am ultimately fired from The Collegian as one of its sports editors.  The following piece will feature no mention of one sport I have admitted having little to no knowledge about but will instead focus on a second sport that I cannot comprehend and have watched enough matches to still count on one finger (I did thoroughly enjoy the little bit I saw. Makes me wish we had more than one home weekend).

La Salle women’s water polo hosted the likes of Long Island University, Villanova, Virginia Military Institute, and Wagner this past weekend at La Salle’s very own Kirk Pool for some in-conference clashes.  The Explorers opened their weekend with a double-header on Saturday, March 25th.  The first fixture of the day featured the VMI Keydets (3-10, 0-3), a team that La Salle would end up dismantling by a scoreline of 17-6.  The Explorers opened the game with 6-0 run and would stretch their lead as far as thirteen goals when they took a 14-1 advantage late in the 3rd Period.  Shanna Zuanich paced La Salle’s offense with four goals while Hannah Woren clocked in three assists.  Emma Gurasich and Caitlin Valentine combined for eleven saves in net.

Paige Mitchell prepares to release a rocket in La Salle’s win over VMI. (courtesy of @lasallewaterpolo)

La Salle followed up their early game with another matchup just a few hours later as they faced off against the #17 Wagner Seahawks (22-5, 5-0).  The Explorers fell to the Seahawks just a week prior to the tune of 16-7, so this week’s matchup was a chance at redemption on home… water?  A dominant 2nd Period from Wagner saw the Seahawks take a 7-2 lead into halftime, but the Explorers used an offensive burst in the 4th Period to cut the lead to 13-10 with some time left on the clock.  Unfortunately, Wagner stymied La Salle’s remaining comeback efforts as the final score read 15-12 in favor of the Seahawks.  Francesca Co’ and Madelyn Koerper each turned in four goal performances, with Co’ also contributing two assists.  Gurasich stood strong in net, totaling twelve saves in the match.

Emma Gurasich extends to make a great save in La Salle’s loss to Wagner. (courtesy of @lasallewaterpolo)

La Salle wrapped up their homestand with a matchup against the Villanova Wildcats (13-13, 3-3) on Sunday, March 26th.  The game was also doubling as the Explorers’ Senior Day, so hopes were high to send the squad’s veteran out on a strong ending at Kirk Pool.  The matchup played out as a narrow and thrilling affair, with La Salle maintaining slim leads before Villanova would find an eventual equalizer.  Tragedy struck late in the 4th Period when the Wildcats took their first lead since the opening moments of the game to seize a 9-8 lead that would stand as the contest’s final tally.

Hannah Woren has her eyes set on goal in La Salle’s narrow loss to Villanova. (courtesy of @lasallewaterpolo)

La Salle (11-12, 1-4) continues their push for the MAAC Championship next week when they travel to Lexington, Virginia.  Their weekend will feature Saturday, April 1st matchups against the Siena Saints (4-16, 0-5) and the Iona Gaels (11-8, 3-2), while Sunday, April 2nd will see the girls take on the Marist Red Foxes (15-6, 5-0).  The Siena matchup will take place at 11:20AM EST, the Iona game at 6PM EST, and the Marist clash at 11:20AM EST.  Whether I will be reporting on these games is in question.  I like to keep my writing… unpredictable these days.

Wolax Woes Continue, But How Does Recent Form Compare To Other Chronic Underachievers?: La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Week In Review 3/21/23

Satire, Sports

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Biggest disappointment since you were conceived (Cry about it).

Finding a new and inventive way to sugarcoat every week’s women’s lacrosse article is a challenge I wake up dreading every Monday morning when The Collegian begins its routine publishing ritual.  How could I, someone who knows very little about the sport of lacrosse, find a way to entertain both the writer and myself amid paragraphs detailing twenty-minute Explorer scoring droughts and opposing runs that have scaled as high as twenty-one unanswered (that’s bad in football, the game where they score points in sevens)?  After witnessing a scarring three-loss week that saw the Explorers (0-8, 0-2) drop matches to two previously winless teams in the George Washington Colonials (1-5, 1-0) and the George Mason Patriots (1-7, 1-1) as well as falling to a solid UMBC Retrievers side (6-2), I have decided there is only one thing I can dunk on this week in an attempt to salvage any respect that the university, the team, and Dr. John P. Lacrosse (the inventor of lacrosse) have remaining for our beloved Explorers.  In a celebration of the fact that I know far more about college basketball than I do women’s lacrosse, I will be taking the low road and comparing the La Salle Explorers women’s lacrosse team to teams that have become national punching bags in the first week of this year’s NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament.

When looking for the ideal NCAA Tournament basketball team to pair up with the La Salle women’s lacrosse team, I had some basic requirements to put both competitors on an even playing field.  First, I must start with teams that did not win a single game in this year’s bracket because that would put them level with lacrosse’s zero wins.  That cuts the field of sixty-eight eligible bachelors in half, leaving us with thirty-four candidates.  Next, I am throwing out all low seeds because I feel that a 16 Seed losing in their first game is not disappointment but rather an expected formality.  That will shave a few more squads off my list.  For my final criterion, I just looked for teams that really inspired me with overall ineptitude.  Whether it was failing to live up to expectations or just playing truly horrendous basketball, I wanted to find a team so bad and soul crushing that they could rival the Explorers in ripping my heart out.  In the spirit of the tournament, I narrowed my candidates down to a final four, which I present to you.  We are left with the Virginia Cavaliers (a 4 Seed who lost in traumatic fashion after turning the ball over in the closing seconds which lead to a game-winning three-pointer for their opponent), the Iowa State Cyclones (a 6 Seed who shot 23.3% from the field, 9.5% from three, and 57.9% from the free-throw line in an eighteen-point loss to a team on one day’s rest), the Arizona Wildcats (a 2 Seed who lost to a 15 Seed, the second time they have done this in school history), and the Purdue Boilermakers (a 1 Seed who became the second team ever to fall at the feet of a 16 Seed).  With the Cavaliers having won a national championship in the past five years, they are excused from the disappointment championship.  The Cyclones’ performance was appalling, but their shooting percentage was nearly five points higher than the worst performance in tourney history.  The Wildcats have nothing going for them here.  They are just lucky the Boilermakers lost to a worse seed and have more national haters.  As you could have guessed before reading this entire paragraph, it’s time to buckle in for this article’s main event.

La Salle Explorers Women’s Lacrosse v. Purdue Boilermakers Men’s Basketball

“Battle of the Disappointments”

As a career disappointment myself, I feel qualified to judge the competition I have created, so rest assured whatever you read from here on out is clear and undisputed fact.  This contest is going to have five rounds, with the team winning the most rounds by the end of the matchup being declared “The Most Disappointing Team Until Wolax Plays Their Next Game.”  Let us begin.

Round 1: The Brands

To compare Purdue men’s basketball to La Salle women’s lacrosse is like comparing Sports Illustrated to my articles in The Collegian.  Everyone knows the first one.  Only the parents who care about the people involved with the second one bother to keep up with it.  When I search “purdue men’s basketball” in Google, I get sixteen million results.  Typing in “la salle women’s lacrosse” yields only a third of that number (Over 5,000,000 hits for La Salle women’s lacrosse?  I need answers).  To deny that Purdue men’s basketball is the more recognizable brand would be like denying George Mason’s Shannon Tuozzo one of her nine goals against the Explorers last week.  It can’t be done.  Losing as the bigger brand gives Purdue the early lead.

Purdue Boilermakers Men’s Basketball: 1, La Salle Explorers Women’s Lacrosse: 0

Round 2: The Rosters

Purdue’s roster is highlighted by the likes of their 7’4” goliath of a center, Zach Edey.  The Naismith College Player of the Year frontrunner has some potential to play pro ball, and he is a monster in the paint that cleans up the glass and helps the Boilermakers run smoothly.  In comparison, the Explorers’ tallest player is 5’11” attacker Katie Johnson.  At least to my knowledge, Johnson has zero NBA prospects and was nowhere to be found on Naismith award watchlist articles I perused.  To lose with a colossal talent like Edey is a major fail, meaning Purdue out-disappoints again.

Purdue Boilermakers Men’s Basketball: 2, La Salle Explorers Women’s Lacrosse: 0

Zach Edey and Katie Johnson (Picture is to scale).

Round 3: The Accolades

Purdue put a stamp on a successful regular season by being crowned both the Big Ten Conference’s regular season and conference tournament champions.  The squad earned their sixth straight top four seed in the NCAA Tournament, showing they are consistently a force to be reckoned with.  Their program even has two Final Four appearances to their name, meaning they have played on college basketball’s biggest stage.  While La Salle women’s lacrosse has never sniffed this level of accomplishment on the field, the stellar gameday environments provided by their fans is something the opposition cannot handle.  While the Boilermakers may have banners hanging for conference titles and lengthy tournament runs, the Explorers have the best parent provided tailgate Division I has to offer.  Sad to see La Salle lose with that level of hospitality.  Point for the Explorers.

Purdue Boilermakers Men’s Basketball: 2, La Salle Explorers Women’s Lacrosse: 1

Round 4: Expectations

This year, Purdue did not open the year ranked or projected to win the Big Ten.  They shattered those expectations and earned themselves a 1 Seed in the NCAA Tournament.  Yes, they lost to a 16 Seed, but you could still argue they initially exceeded expectations.  Meanwhile, I personally expected La Salle to win one of their first eight games.  What I fool that makes me.  The Boilermakers may have underachieved on the biggest stage, but the Explorers have underachieved in every way.  Looks like this will be a tie game going into the final frame.

Purdue Boilermakers Men’s Basketball: 2, La Salle Explorers Women’s Lacrosse: 2

Round 5: Losses To Teams From The State Of New Jersey (But Only When The Match Isn’t Played In Illinois)

It’s the metric that matters most in any competition, how you fared against the proverbial “Garbage State” in head-to-head competition (excluding potential wins in the Prairie State).  Purdue boasts an ugly 0-2 mark against such teams, with a stunning 65-64 loss to the Rutgers Scarlet Knights combining with their now famous 63-58 loss to the Fairleigh Dickinson Knights this past Friday to get them to that record.  La Salle on the other hand, has zero of these oddly specific yet incredibly important games played, meaning their 0-0 record is greater than that of Purdue’s.  This means La Salle dodges a bullet as Purdue seizes disappointment from the jaws of… um… appointment?  I don’t know.

Final Score

Purdue Boilermakers Men’s Basketball: 3, La Salle Explorers Women’s Lacrosse: 2

New Jersey (Picture is also to scale).

And just like that, the women’s lacrosse team loses another hard-fought battle, but with a much more respectable scoreline of 3-2.  This upcoming week, the Explorers travel to Amherst, Massachusetts, to take on the #16 UMass Minutewomen (8-1, 2-0)  The game will take place on Wednesday, March 22nd, and action from Garber Field will get underway around 2PM EST.  La Salle will also face off against the VCU Rams (4-5, 0-2) on Saturday, March 25th, at 1PM EST on wonderful McCarthy Field.  Both matches will stream on ESPN+.  I pray they win because I am really running out of ideas for alternative articles.               

From The Collegian, this is Nicholas Signoretta reporting.

Just Simply Win The A-10 Tournament: La Salle Men’s Basketball Week In Review 3/7/23

Sports

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Official branding for this week’s upcoming A10 Men’s Basketball Championship. (courtesy of seatgeek.com)

There is now only one option remaining for the La Salle men’s basketball team if they want to keep playing basketball this spring.  Left with no other ways to preserve their season, the Explorers (13-18, 7-11) must win this week’s upcoming A-10 Tournament at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn, New York.  After an appalling run of form (lost five straight), La Salle will hope to run through five straight basketball games to cut down the nets to claim their first ever Atlantic 10 title.

The group that will lead La Salle University to the promised land: The 2023 NCAA Tournament. (courtesy of doms.pov)

What is a 7-11 conference record good for in the modern A10 economy?  That will get you the #11 Seed and a date with the #14 Seed Rhode Island Rams (9-21, 5-13).  The First Round matchup, or as polite society refers to it, the P.I.G. (play-in game) will take place on Tuesday, Mar 6th, at 4:30PM EST and will stream on ESPN+.  La Salle split their season series with Rhode Island, winning 77-75 in OT at Tom Gola Arena on Jan 7th, and losing in the return trip 72-70 at the Thomas M. Ryan Center on Jan 28th.  Neither team has been in form recently, with Explorers rolling in on the previously mentioned five-game losing streak and the Rams losing eight of their last nine.

If La Salle were to win their first matchup and escape the P.I.G., their next two opponents would be set, with their Second Round game being against the Duquesne Dukes (20-11, 10-8) on Wednesday, Mar 8th, at 7:30PM EST.  The Explorers fell to the Dukes earlier this year 91-74 on Feb 22nd at Tom Gola Arena.  If La Salle can somehow avenge that defeat, they earn themselves a Thursday, Mar 9th, 7:30PM EST date with the Fordham Rams (24-7, 12-6).  As you may guess, La Salle also fell at the feet of Fordham.  That game also took place at Tom Gola Arena on Jan 14th, with the Rams winning 66-64 on a buzzer-beater.  Both games would be streamed on USA Network.  The Semifinals and Finals will take place on Saturday, Mar 11th, and Sunday, Mar 12th.  The former will be found on CBS Sports Network while the latter will be on CBS.

The bracket for the 2023 A10 Men’s Basketball Championship. (courtesy of atlantic10.com)

The moral of the story: La Salle might win a game.  Throw a parade?  No.  Rage in next week’s article?  Possibly.

A-10 Out Of 10 In Disappointment: La Salle Women’s Basketball Week In Review 3/7/23

Sports

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Molly Masciantonio driving to the rim for an easy bucket. (courtesy of @a10conference)

La Salle women’s basketball capped off what was a season of promise and potential with a putrid display in last week’s season finale in the A10 Tournament.  Picked to finish second in the A10 preseason poll, the Explorers find themselves looking at an offseason of regret after maxing out as the #8 Seed and falling in their first game in Wilmington, Delaware.

An early 11AM EST start was on the docket for the Explorers (17-14, 8-7) as they squared off against the #9 Seed George Mason Patriots (16-14, 8-8) on Mar 2nd in the Second Round of this past week’s A-10 Tournament at Chase Fieldhouse.  The Patriots opened the game strong, taking a 18-13 lead at the end of 1st Qtr, but a 7-1 Explorers run gave La Salle their first lead of the game midway through the 2nd Qtr.  A little back and forth saw the Patriots exit the half with a 34-30 lead.  The 3rd Qtr saw George Mason extend their lead to six with a score of 44-38, but an 8-2 La Salle run had the score locked at 46-46 with a little over six minutes remaining in the 4th Qtr.  From there, the Patriots pulled away, fending off one or two Explorers runs as they went on to win the game 64-58.

The final from Chase Fieldhouse. (courtesy of @lasalle_wbb)

With the season over and no more women’s basketball left to play or to write about, I am left with a void in my soul.  Out of all the teams I have written about this year, I enjoyed covering this one the most (probably because the squad is not a flaming dumpster fire).  Alas, I bid this team farewell and hope to be blessed to cover them next year.

Explorers Fall Again, But At Least There Was A Home Crowd: La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Week In Review 3/7/23

Sports

Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Grace Lord battling through some contact as she turns up field. (courtesy of @doms.pov)

In a world full of frontrunners and fair weather fans, it’s good to know that some people are loyal to their favorite squads despite a middling record or, frankly, the lack of watchable product on the field.  One team that has decided to test the faith of those who rally behind them is the La Salle University women’s lacrosse team.  To say that the Explorers have done little to inspire in their opening five out-of-conference fixtures would be a fair and accurate assessment from an abused fan who’s watched almost every minute of this year’s campaign (my hate for FloSports can be witnessed here).  Despite the pain that I and many others have endured this year, the crowd was still bumping in La Salle’s recent home opener, the first of two games the Explorers played this past week.

Raquel Nieves feeling the love at McCarthy Stadium. (courtesy of @doms.pov)

The La Salle Explorers (0-5) kicked off their most recent week of suffering with the team’s first matchup of the year within the cozy confines of McCarthy Field.  The opponent for their Mar 1st contest was the Lehigh Mountain Hawks (3-1), a team who the Explorers fell to on the road in the 2022 season.  This year, the Explorers were seeking to put on a show for their home crowd, as the bleachers were moderately packed for the 3PM EST clash against the Mountain Hawks.  Despite the home crowd’s support and cheers, Lehigh opened the game by scoring the first two goals to open their tab for the day.  The Mountain Hawks were not going to just run the Explorers off the field quite yet, as Sara Grassi took advantage of a man-up situation to set the score at 2-1.  Another Lehigh goal would find its way on the board before the end of the 1st Qtr, but a goal in the opening moments of the 2nd Qtr by Maddie Henderson would keep the Explorers within a score.  It wouldn’t be long before the Mountain Hawks answered the Henderson goal, but Claudia Steinmetz and Mackenzie Click would bring the Explorers level at 4-4.  Angered by La Salle’s insolence, Lehigh promptly ripped four straight possessions into the La Salle net to establish a sizeable four goal advantage.  The home team and crowd were not to be silenced though, as an Alana Lathan man-up goal left the score at 8-5 going into halftime.  Play resumed in the 3rd Qtr, and with it came three straight Explorer goals by Molly Maloney, Lathan, and Steinmetz.  With the score level at 8-8 only five minutes into the half, you sure as hell know that a twenty-four minute La Salle scoring drought was about to set in.  By the time a late Katie Johnson goal ended the dry spell plaguing the Explorers, the Mountain Hawks had already done all they needed to do to ensure their 11-9 victory.

The final from McCarthy Field. (courtesy of @lasallelacrosse)

La Salle’s week was not over despite their earlier misfortunes, as they still had another matchup against the Mount Saint Mary’s Mountaineers (1-3) scheduled for Mar 4th at 2PM EST.  The Explorers knocked off the Mountaineers at home last season, so they were hoping that the weekend trip to Waldron Family Stadium might be their chance to finally get in the win column this year.  The game started off right, with Steinmetz striking early to claim a 1-0 lead just two minutes in.  The ensuing 12-2 Mt. St. Mary’s run kills any desire I have to write about this game.  Click scored twice during those forty minutes from hell, and when the dust settled, an 18-7 Mountaineers victory was all that was left.  Ellen Stickney combined with Lathan, Steinmetz, and Maloney to try and make the end result look more respectable, but the damage was done.

The final from Mount Saint Mary’s Waldron Family Stadium. (courtesy of @lasallelacrosse)

This upcoming week, the girls in blue and gold (and white) look to once again harness the energy provided by the rocking McCarthy environment as they kick off A10 play next Saturday, Mar 11th, at 1PM EST against the George Washington Colonials (0-4).  The match will be streamed on ESPN+.  Depending on how the Colonials midweek matchup goes, both they and the Explorers may be squaring off this upcoming weekend with the honor to not be 0-6.  Win or lose, I will be back here with updates considering both La Salle’s women’s and men’s basketball teams seem to be winding down their seasons (aka losing their first A-10 tourney matches).