ChatGPT Takes On The Collegian Sports Section: La Salle Women’s Lacrosse Week In Review 4/25/23

Satire, Sports

Nicholas Signoretta?, Editor

ChatGPT, but with an explosion. (I already had a stock image of an explosion)

In the absence of the much-maligned sports editor Nicky Signoretta, the people in power at The La Salle Collegian have decided to hop on the latest fad and utilize society’s greatest new piece of technology.  If Signoretta and fellow sports editor Enrique Carrasco cannot write a quality women’s lacrosse article to save their lives, why not let ChatGPT have a swing at it?  The revolutionary artificial intelligence program can write essays and papers for students (or so I have heard), so what is stopping it from climbing the journalism ladder and ascending to point of writing the feature piece for Sports Illustrated?  Using the search prompt shown below, ChatGPT cooked up several potential articles for its dedicated fanbase, and now it is time to dig into the fruits of our little computer friend’s labor.

The input used for this article’s exercise. (Contain your excitement)

ChatGPT: La Salle University’s women’s lacrosse team is a strong and competitive program that has a history of success on the field. The team is part of the Atlantic 10 conference and plays its home games at McCarthy Stadium in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Uninspired Writer: This is not a terrible start.  It reads like a Wikipedia page, but it is the foundation for a lacrosse article for dummies.

The La Salle women’s lacrosse team has a dedicated coaching staff led by Head Coach Caitlin Powers, who has been with the program since 2018. Coach Powers has an impressive lacrosse background, having played at the Division I level herself and coached at both the Division I and II levels before coming to La Salle.

And that was quick.  Already making up a new head coach (she could be an upgrade).

The La Salle Women’s Lacrosse team has a history of success, with numerous conference championships and NCAA tournament appearances. They have also produced many talented players who have gone on to play professionally or coach at the collegiate level.

And we go further into the realm of fantasy.  I do not know what version of La Salle ChatGPT is playing as in MyCareer in NCAA Wolax 23, but the real-life counterpart has not experienced close to this level of success.

In recent years, the team has continued to perform at a high level, consistently ranking among the top teams in the Atlantic 10 Conference. In the 2021 season, the team finished with a record of 7-4, including a thrilling 13-12 win over conference rival George Mason.

La Salle finished 5-9 in 2021.  They did not play the George Mason Patriots that year.

In the 2002-2003 NBA season, Tim Duncan was at the peak of his game and established himself as one of the most dominant players in the league. He led the San Antonio Spurs to a championship victory, earning himself the NBA Finals MVP award in the process.

Duncan’s dominance in that season can be attributed to his exceptional all-around skills as a power forward. He was an excellent scorer, averaging 23.3 points per game, and a great rebounder, averaging 12.9 rebounds per game. He also played outstanding defense, averaging 2.9 blocks per game and 0.7 steals per game.

Moreover, Duncan’s leadership, consistency, and unselfishness were instrumental to the Spurs’ success that season. He was known for his calm demeanor and ability to lead by example, setting a high standard for his teammates on both ends of the court.

Overall, Tim Duncan’s performance in the 2002-2003 NBA season was nothing short of outstanding, and his dominance was a key factor in the San Antonio Spurs’ championship run that year.

Wow!  ChatGPT nailed its analysis on 2003 Tim Duncan.  Not sure how this ended up in a search about La Salle women’s lacrosse, but this might be the most factual statement that this computer spat out.

2003 Tim Duncan. (Not to be confused with Katie Rhodes Duncan)

The moral of the story: ChatGPT knows little about La Salle women’s lacrosse and tons about the dominance of Tim Duncan in the 2002-2003 NBA season.  This upcoming week, the La Salle Explorers (0-14, 0-8) celebrate their Senior Day during their season finale at McCarthy Field against the Davidson Wildcats (10-5, 5-3).  The game will be played on Saturday, April 29th, and will begin at 12PM EST.  The game will be streamed on ESPN+.  Just one last dance left.

From The La Salle Collegian, this is (redacted) reporting.

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