Nicholas Signoretta, Editor

Crouching Tiger Golden Dragon. (Often confused with the popular 2000 martial arts movie)

What does this article have to do with La Salle, women, or lacrosse you may be asking?  Nothing.  But anyone who has read all of my articles will have noticed I only shoot a measly 50% from the field when it comes to actually summarizing what happened in the most recent week’s on field action, so I would say it is fairly in character of me to just throw the header of “Wolax Week In Review” on anything that I write.  Now, on to my scheduled gag.

Local Olney eatery Crouching Tiger Golden Dragon was put to rest this past Saturday after they committed the egregious sin of passing their prior month’s health inspection.  Golden Dragon, a Chinese restaurant that also sold cheesesteaks, pizza, empanadas, and artisan baked goods, was shocked to learn of their violation of passing their inspection.  The owner, Paul, was upset to learn the infestation of rats and sewage that he had spent years facilitating in the restaurant’s basement was not enough to push regional health inspectors to fail the joint during their checkup.  Loyal customers were also distraught upon hearing the news, stating, “You think you trust a place to provide you with dirt cheap food at 2AM, but no, now they can’t even cook my burger on an unclean griddle.  The sanitation of my go-to spot has been above code for years, and I have been eating it this whole time none the wiser.”

What is to come next for Crouching Tiger Golden Dragon, Paul, or its loyal customers is anyone’s guess, but all we can hope for is that no other local eateries fall into the same trap as this beloved spot.

From The Collegian, this is Nicky Signoretta reporting.