Emily Allgair, Editor

Here’s the thing: I love British accents, royal weddings and fish and chips just as much as the next bloke, but sometimes when I watch a British movie, I get distracted by how British people look. Not all of them, in fact, some of my personal favorite actors and actresses are British – Andrew Garfield, Helena Bonham Carter, Daniel Kaluuya, Florence Pugh, Emma Watson… the list goes on and on. 

Great Britain has some very talented actors, but some of their performances are hindered based on looks. And I know how that sounds, but I’m not calling any of them ugly, at all. Just British. Benedict Cumberbatch, Daniel Radcliffe (adult version), Tom Hiddleston, David Tennant, Rowan Atkinson. All hella British-looking. 

Recently, I watched a movie for an ethics class called Sorry We Missed You and all of the actors and actresses looked so bloody British. Like, to the point where it was distracting. And I don’t really know why I couldn’t process the movie beyond the physicality of the actors, but I missed almost the entire introduction of the movie because I was too busy dealing with how British these people were. Same thing with the 2010 movie Submarine.

This could just be a personal issue, but it’s happened to me enough times to distract from a movie’s plot to the point that I definitely missed something important, but not anything detrimental to the storyline. The moral of the story is that British people can have me absolutely knackered depending on how British they look. Cheers.

Anonymous

Welp, it’s another week of being an Explorer fan. At the beginning of the week I was excited for the busy schedule of games ahead of me. St Louis at Home, Lockhaven and Temple Away, and even a few lacrosse scrimmages. It looked good.

Keyword: LOOKED

Just like every other week, I watched these games full of passion, only to be ultimately disappointed again. The Women’s Soccer team started the game looking good, going up 1-0 early in the game, only for St Louis to overcome them 4-1. Men’s soccer seemed to stand a chance for the first half, but ultimately lost 3-1 to them. Field hockey was able to keep themselves in the game, go through double overtime, just to lose in a penalty shootout. With this week of games behind us, not a single team holds a winning record.

I now propose a new chant for our teams on campus: “You’re not special, we lose every week”

(See below for video)

It perfectly encompasses how we all feel about the teams that come to La Salle and feel like hotshots for beating us. “You’re not special, we lose every week” perfectly shows how self aware we are, while also chirping the opposing teams. I recommend everyone take up this chant, and help chant it during the upcoming losses that our sports teams will suffer. 

Emily Allgair, Editor

Emily Allgair, Editor

1. Blowing your nose in class

You gotta do what you gotta do and everyone in your classroom has blown their nose before, like they know the feeling and will not judge for it.

2. Tying your shoes

Your shoes coming untied literally has nothing to do with you and if anything it’s more embarrassing to be walking with your shoes untied.

3. Carrying an umbrella in the rain

People without umbrellas who are caught in a rain storm are more likely to be jealous of you for thinking ahead than judge you for choosing to stay dry for the rest of the day.

4. Having a crush

Sometimes crushes lead to exciting things and if they don’t, no one has to know that you have one, especially not the person to whom your affection lies. Just keep your own secret and there is nothing embarrassing about having feelings of attraction. 

5. Getting in an Uber (sober)

Literally there is no reason for this one other than the fact that you have to check the license plate number and get in all awkwardly. The ride itself isn’t even embarrassing, it’s just getting into the car and ‘introducing’ yourself to the driver.

6. Having COVID in 2022 

COVID is so 2020, like come on girl it’s been two years. Get over yourself soon.

7. Putting change away in front of the cashier

You just stand there struggling to put the ones into your wallet as they fold in on themselves and there’s a line of people behind you waiting to check out. Like the pressure is on to move quickly and you can’t keep up. 

8. Walking back to your seat after bowling

Everyone is looking at you and sometimes you turn before the ball hits the pins so you have to turn back and look over your shoulder but everyone is still watching you. And the shoes are kind of slippery so you have to change your normal walking pace, it’s just a lot. 

9. Having people sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you

Again, everyone is looking at you. Not even just looking, but serenading you. Like come on, that’s so overwhelming, especially when you don’t really know everyone singing to you or there’s a lot of people. Like what do you do? Do you smile? For the whole time? Do you sing along? I don’t know!

10. Having the hiccups

Going back to the first one, everyone has had the hiccups before and everyone knows that they are uncontrollable. It just feels like everyone is paying attention to you when in reality, again, no one is going to judge you for your diaphragm contracting, like it’s totally normal.     

Emily Allgair, Editor

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of going to the greatest city in the world: the one and only, New York City. I had good food, saw my first concert at Madison Square Garden, and got to hang out with great people while visiting, but something overtook my memories of the trip. Instead of remembering all of the crazy sparkly, feathery outfits, I now have the forever-mental image of way too many strangers’ toes. 

Yes, you read that correctly, strangers’ toes. Something that A.) I should never see as often as I had, and B.) I should have never seen in New York City. Like, Times Square, New York City. As beautiful and exciting as that city is, it’s also absolutely disgusting. And an unreasonable amount of people felt comfortable enough to have their dawgs out, barking up and down 8th Avenue. 

The amount of flip flops, Birkenstocks, and (probably fake) Gucci slides that I witnessed was absolutely abhorrent. And something else worth mentioning is that their fancy New York outfits probably would have stylistically looked better with some Pumas or even, dare I say, white Vans. 

Maybe I’m just not used to going to New York City while it’s still hot outside, although it was only in the mid-70’s, but having your dawgs out in any context is a bold choice, let alone in one of the busiest, grimiest cities in the world. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that you should really think through your footwear, and please, for the love of all things, make sure your dawgs are covered if you ever find yourself in New York City. Not just for your own safety and dignity, but also for my personal sanity.

Claire Kunzier, Editor 

First and foremost I would like to say peace out La Salle and thank you to the Collegian for the amazing time I have had as editor as in general as a student. 

In honor of this being my last article as editor of CAKE and Kicks, Emily Allgair and I got together to try the watermelon from the men that sell watermelon on Belfield Ave. 

Spoiler: it’s as good as a watermelon that has sat on the side of the road for two weeks can be. 

https://videopress.com/v/dqOmOyBC?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&preloadContent=metadata&useAverageColor=true

Nolen Kelly, Editor

Yep that’s right I’m making a list of five of my favorite articles that I have written here during my time at the Collegian. What better way is there to stroke my own ego, toot my own horn, or pat myself on the back than to recount my own works? There is none. I’ve loved my time here at the Collegian and I feel with almost any one of my articles there is a clear progression for how far I’ve come as a writer. Each of these articles all hold something special for me and while I love all my children equally there can only be five of my favorites. Thank you to the Collegian for giving me a space to write and thank you, readers, for enabling me in my passion and my enjoyment to do what I hope to grow and continue with in my life beyond La Salle.

#5: ‘Former Interim President of La Salle Wrestles The Explorer’

Frank Reynolds named next president of La Salle University

In 2021 I wrote my first Foolegian article about ‘Always Sunny’ character Frank Reynolds being the new interim president of La Salle and it was alright quality wise. It was pretty popular getting a bunch of clicks after its release but it’s the followup that I am more proud of. While not as heavily viewed as many of my other pieces, I loved making this one for a few reasons. Firstly because it’s just funny. Secondly because of the lore already behind it and third because the article is literally just a copy and paste of the Wikipedia article summary for the buildup and match recap of Hulk Hogan versus Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania III. All of the terrible moves were all a part of one super terrible match that is only talked about because giant man picked up even gianter man.

#4 “Review: ‘Los Espookys’”

In Winter 2020 semester when the Collegian returned everything was online but before that I had the one of the last remaining honors getting my work published in print papers and it all started with my roommate, at the time editor for A&E and future editor-and-chief Jakob Eiseman, poking me to write a review of this show for the paper. I was hesitant but did and I loved it so much I’m still going today. I was able to find the article online so it is not a link and it was my first piece so it is definitely not the same style I have now but “Los Espookys” is a show that will have a spot in my heart for the way it brought my roommates and I together but also because it was my first publication of any kind and I still haven’t forgotten what that felt like 

#3: “Review: ‘The Batman’”

https://thelasallecollegian.com/2022/03/10/review-the-batman/

If there is anything to cement me as the “A&E editor who won’t shut up”(Eiseman, 2022) there is no article that is really just a fraction of my thoughts on the movie than my review of Matt Reeves’ go at the bat in “The Batman.” Some recency bias, yes, but I really love this movie and I really loved getting to talk about it. I don’t get many opportunities to make an article generating excitement for a movie I feel could be great but I did and then “The Batman” came out and it shattered my already sky high expectations. I put my energy and full brain into my reviews but none have been as fun to write or think about writing as much as this was.

#2: “5 Good and 5 Bad movies from Summer 2021”

5 Good and 5 Bad movies from Summer 2021

I had every intention to return in the Fall semester of 2021to be the co-editor of A&E and to be the movie guy. Over the summer of ‘21 I did my homework and tried to watch any new movie of the summer I could get my hands on. I love being outside in the summer, I don’t mind the heat too much even though it so totally sucks, however, whatever I have going on in the summer will always be less important than whatever movie I’ll be watching and this article was so much fun to put together. I like making lists like these, I like watching movies, and I like making lists of movies I’ve watched that I can recommend to others.

#1 “The Collegian Community’s Favorite Horror Movies”

The Collegian community’s favorite horror movies

All I want to do is talk about movies and getting to include my social media followers and friends’ quotes and opinions on their favorite horror movies was an absolute blast to put together. Horror is not really my genre but hearing people’s opinions and passions for movies that made them feel their own interpretations of scared or spook was so awesome. I milked it a bit with the other holiday editions, I admit, but it was fun and the main reason I got into writing movies and making scripts in the first place. Seeing the reasons people enjoy the things they enjoy are the reasons I do what I do and what I hope to keep doing long after I graduate. 

If I do become a writer after graduation I doubt I will be able to continue making crowd based content but I never want to stop talking movies with the people who read my work or follow me on social media so on that I’ll end there with another big thank you for reading my articles. Thank you Collegian for giving me a space to write. Thank you.

Nolen Kelly, Editor

My favorite band of all time is The White Stripes. They are the best alternative rock band of the early 2000’s without any competition (except The Strokes, Interpol, Death From Above 1979, LCD Soundsystem and the Arctic Monkeys) by miles. I could listen and talk about the duo for years without end and I know I would always be able to talk about a different appearance of a Stripes song in some other media and each conversation would be positive. However, today I come with clenched fists, tears in my eyes and vinegar in my veins to talk about a commercial that drives me up the wall, off a cliff and insane everytime I see it- The Samsung Galaxy Watch 4 commercial ‘Night Owls.’ 

You may not know too much of The White Stripes, or if you do then you probably know a good handful of their songs like “The Hardest Button to Button,” “Fell in Love with a Girl,” “Icky Thump, Ball and Biscuit,” “We’re Gonna be Friends” and “Hotel Yorba.” If you didn’t know them, now you do and life is now so much cooler for you because you do. However, with whatever prior knowledge you have on the Detroit band I don’t think it is possible to be a living entity and not be aware of THAT song with THAT riff- Seven Nation Army. It gets the blood pumping, the feet tapping, the heads nodding, the voices chanting, the energy soaring and the anticipation high all due to Jack’s tension-filled cords and Meg’s simple, yet pulsating, drum beats. The song is inescapable. Just talking or reading about it makes me want to listen to the song on repeat for minimum three hours at maximum volume, 11, because hell yeah the song rules. So with all of this hype for the song that hypes itself up, why am I enraged and boiling with vinegar? And what does all of this have to do with the new Samsung Galaxy Watch 4? The new commercial ‘Night Owls,’ which I will place below this, makes me livid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lJkc6aBUnY

My main gripe with the commercial is how it took me three watches during a single episode of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” to realize the lyrics of the commercial were that of Jack’s and Meg’s. The multiple rewatches listening to the lyrics made me realize there was no riff. HOW DO YOU PLAY SEVEN NATION ARMY WITHOUT THE RIFF? THAT’S THE MOST MEMORABLE THING ABOUT THE SONG! THAT’S WHY PEOPLE LISTEN TO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! “It just makes no f***ing sense. I mean, it’s just bulls***”- Bill Nye the Science Guy. Maybe I’m just screaming into a blackhole with this, but am I crazy? Like, what the hell? The song is a real cover by Zella Day and while I have no desire to actually slander Zella for her cover, I just wish I had never discovered it and that Samsung shelled out however much was needed to get the actual song. I’m also mad that I have seen this commercial more than thrice. I already dislike the subcategory of commercials that have covers of big songs in a slower tempo, because they just annoy me, but for Samsung to make a commercial that directly attacks me- I can not forgive them for this.

I own Apple products exclusively so it’s not like I would be buying this watch anyway but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the commercial and there lies another problem: this is just a commercial. I will relax with this eventually since it’s just a commercial but, like, it’s Seven Nation Army, the best rock song of the 2000’s with no competition (except “Last Nite,” “Romantic Rights,” “In the End”, “No One Knows,” “Feel Good Inc.,” “Chop Suey” and “Rollin’” by Limp Bizkit) by miles. 

Is this a bad take? I can’t tell. I’ve been thinking about this commercial since April 7th, my birthday, and I can’t take it anymore. There are flames and heaving breaths on the side of my face every time without fail. I care about this song and this commercial so much because you know why already- it rules and it sucks respectively. I know I’m not crazy or alone here. That’s all I’ve got on this. Hopefully, I was able to sway a few people to join my uprising against this commercial and hopefully you are going to listen to Seven Nation Army again in the near future.

Claire Kunzier, Editor 

I wish you could literally live rent free, but sadly the only rent free lifestyle you can have is in someone’s mind. To live rent free in someone’s mind means that you are always a thought, a moment, a tenant in their mind and you’re not doing anything to cause it. You could have a history that you don’t care about anymore or it could be your friend’s significant other that you have no opinion on, but they have opinions on you, it could even be a stranger. If anyone cares that much about you and your life and you don’t care, you are living rent free. I lived rent free in my friend’s ex’s mind, FOR NO REASON. They always brought me up and thought I was going to do something and lowkey was a reason for several of their fights, when in reality I was just friends with my friend. If you have anyone living rent free in your mind, evict them. Why do you care? It literally does nothing, but causes emotional turmoil and can ruin relationships. Do what I’ve done and become indifferent, no one can live rent free in your mind if you focus on yourself and live your life. 

Claire Kunzier, Editor 

Call me a communist, but the United States is on some shit to think they can tell me what to do with my body. Everything is held together with some duct tape and superglue with some prayers that everything will be fine, but that doesn’t do shit. After two years of the COVID-19 pandemic, you would think the U.S. government would have realized that what they’re doing is just making the country worse. 

Reverse Roe v. Wade, legal abortions will decrease illegall abortions will continue and increase, putting countless of women and people with vaginas’ lives at risk, even more than they already are. For why? Now, the whole “because God said it was a bad idea” shouldn’t be a reason in anyone’s mind because the separation of Church and state is a thing and guess what, not everyone believes the same things that you do. I’m thinking it has to do with the fact that millions of people died during the pandemic and a large portion of the younger generation has expressed a disinterest in having children of their own. Abortions is one way to also prevent the increase of population, but it is also something that can be controlled. It’s all about control and being the biggest with the most people, even though we are running out of space on a planet not necessarily meant for seven billion people. But is it worth putting half the population at risk, impacting control over one’s body, and impacting both physical and mental health of those who wish for a legal and safe abortions? 

The country is so shady and janky and stupid, honestly just ridiculous at this point no matter your personal opinions. At this point, we need to address the duct tape and superglue because shit ain’t sticking anymore.