Saying Goodbye


Emily Allgair, Editor

via Dreamstime

Saying goodbye can be difficult. In fact, it can be one of the most difficult things to do at this point in our young adult lives. Saying goodbye can also be one of the easiest, least stressful things possible.

Let’s be honest, we’ve all ghosted someone in some capacity. Whether it’s that weird guy you met on said dating app that won’t stop messaging you even though you sent a one word answer once, or it’s that possible employer who didn’t seem to have their stuff together and you decided you actually don’t want to work for them but didn’t know how to say it professionally, or even that weird girl who asked for your number in your Stat class, you have ghosted someone. 

Maybe you’re sitting here thinking that’s not your style. Okay. But you’ve definitely done this in some capacity to someone once. 

So when May 13th rolls around, remember this cold-heartedness that we all know you’re capable of and Irish-goodbye some of those people you’ve met over the course of your time here at La Salle. 

With that being said, it has been my pleasure to be your 2022-2023 Satire Section Editor. For those of you who are not graduating (and even if you are), be sure to tune in to the Collegian come this fall. Until next time.

Editor’s Note: Don’t actually leave without saying goodbye. Some of these people really helped shape your last four years and they deserve to know what they mean to you. Keep in touch if you can, and if you can’t, at least send them off with good thoughts.



Emily Allgair, Editor

Everyone you know has a specific walk. Whether they bounce with every step or glide with no sense of motion happening anywhere else, these types of walks become a way to identify people. I used to be really good at impersonating different people’s walks, but alas that time has passed. Now, I just recognize the walks from a distance and wonder where said person is off to. 

For those skeptical of how identifiable a walk truly is, I want you to put your imagination cap on. Think about this: it’s a random Tuesday in January. You are walking home from class when you see someone bundled up in a non-distinct puffer jacket and hat. You somehow, you immediately know it is your roommate. You could tell by the cadence of their steps, the way their arms swing back and forth as they trek, the way that they bounce (or don’t bounce) as they walk. You knew it was them by the sheer way that they walked, and that’s crazy!

People’s personalities influence so many aspects of themselves: mannerisms, appearance, even hygiene. But walking? Maybe I’ll do some research on how personality types impact walking patterns and link my findings in a future article…
Needless to say, walking is normal. But is there a normal way to walk when everyone walks their own specific way? Send me your thoughts at

Weirdos: La Salle Edition


Emily Allgair, Editor

Think back to when you were committing to La Salle, maybe even applying if you can. You likely used the Common App and I would say it’s highly likely that you checked a box to ensure your enrollment here: “Are you weird?”

You must have said yes because here you are; everyone at La Salle is weird. There is not one normal person here. If you think you know someone normal, you don’t know them well enough, because I promise you they are weird. Now, this isn’t to say that everyone here is the same type of weird. There are cool-weird people, weird-weird people and secretly-weird people, each with its own characteristics and elements that make them weird. 

I couldn’t possibly write all of these elements and factors out, otherwise I’d be writing a forty-page thesis and to be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure of all of the different idiosyncrasies of the varying weirdnesses here. There’s just always something. And that’s not necessarily bad! It keeps us on our toes, you know? 

It’s also important to keep in mind that if you find someone weird, don’t judge them too harshly, because guess what? You’re just as weird, if not even weirder. So on that note, stay weird and let people be themselves. Catch ya next week.

Food Poisoning: What?


Emily Allgair, Editor

I think I’ve only had real food poisoning twice in my life, but every once in a while, I’ll start to get a stomach ache or start feeling nauseous a few hours after eating. This past weekend, I experienced the latter (luckily). I was able to take some Advil and go to bed before anything bad really happened, but not before sitting on the bathroom floor, contemplating everything that led up to that moment (you know the feeling). 

I know there is definitely science behind what happens when you experience food poisoning, but I don’t really want to know what it is. I think it’s so much cooler to only know that your body thinks it has been poisoned and therefore does everything it can to flush your system. What’s crazy is how quickly your body reacts. And how quickly it can fix the issue (which I guess if it flushes everything out, that makes sense, but still). 

And the different levels of having food poisoning… You can either be me on Easter night, kind of ill to the point of justifying going to bed super early but waking up the next morning feeling fine, or you can be completely down for the count for the next 24 hours and anywhere in between. 

Again, although I am a School-of-Arts-and-Sciences person, I am not really science at all. But the body is crazy! I hope that you could relate to this fascination, but if you know the science behind it, please don’t ruin the magic for me. Very little bewilders me at this point, food poisoning being one of them, so just let me have this one. Thank you.

How Far Would You Go To Commit To The Bit?


Emily Allgair, Editor

From wearing suits to “Minions: Rise of Gru” to putting on a bald cap at a Mr. Worldwide concert, people commit to the bit all the time. Usually for the memes, but how far is too far? How far would you personally go to commit to the bit? Where would you call it?

My roommates and I were comparing ugly-hot and hot-ugly celebs the other night (possibly a future article) and we were stuck on a specific scenario. If some celebrity who is arguably ugly-hot or ugly-ugly were to come up to you in a bar, how would you go about committing to the bit? Would you at all? This really got me thinking.

This past Saturday, did you commit to any bit? If so, how far did you go? Could you have seen yourself going further? What would have signaled you to call it? I’m sure some of us saw the Tik Tok of the mom who frosted bagels and tried to sell them off as donuts to her kids – boring. That’s barely a bit you can commit to. 

As for continuing the essence of the weekend, please enjoy this edition of the Foollegian, especially considering that each writer and editor absolutely committed to their bits.

via Ceara Grady

I genuinely am interested; if you are one who commits to the bit, please email me at to tell me your committed bits. 

Guilty Pleasures


Emily Allgair, Editor

What is a guilty pleasure? By my definition, guilty pleasures are things, activities, etc. that bring people joy, but also a sense of shame at the same time. But what’s the big deal about guilty pleasures, anyways? It’s all societal, so what if you like to take selfies, listen to old Justin Bieber or stalk your crush on Instagram? Everyone does it…

I think we should break the stigma surrounding “guilty pleasures” and just call them “pleasures” (maybe not “pleasures,” that sounds kind of weird, but you know what I mean). What’s the point of making people feel embarrassed for, honestly, mundane things that bring them little pieces of joy? Life is crazy enough without having to hide the fact that you think that “What Does the Fox Say?” is one of the most lyrically intelligent songs of our generation, so why get embarrassed?

So the next time you’re cooking or putting on makeup and you start narrating your actions to your non-existent YouTube channel subscribers, don’t stop when someone enters the room. Make it a collab. Give their channel a shoutout. Own what you like and don’t shame people for liking stuff that you don’t. It makes life just a little bit better, and who doesn’t want that?

An Anti-Love Letter to SZA


Emily Allgair, Editor


I have loved you ever since I was introduced to “Ctrl” my junior year of high school. That album got me through a lot and since then has become one of my favorites, so for that I thank you.

I now, however, wish to take back that thanks as you canceled Thursday’s show of your SOS tour in Philly. This made me oh so sad. Enough, not to write a hate letter, just an anti-love letter. 

This is a busy time for most college students, so amid the chaos of midterms and preparation for spring break (for me, that means a trip to Vietnam via travel study), I was looking forward to your concert, as it represented a night of entertainment rather than stress. 

To further my excitement, one of my best friends from high school was visiting me all the way from the nation’s capital to watch you perform – and we were so excited. But alas, just before ten the morning of the concert, you announced its postponement (with no explanation, although fans have speculated that you were too tired from your excursion in LA the previous night. Okay?? You can always win Billboard’s Woman of the Year, but I can’t always see you at Wells Fargo Center…)

Needless to say, my friend and I were heartbroken. But wait, it gets worse. Not only did you bring out Cardi B and Phoebe Bridgers two nights later at Madison Square Garden, you announced the date for the rescheduled show: March 2nd, 2025.


As someone who is not originally from Philadelphia, let alone the state of Pennsylvania, this makes me sad. Who’s to say where I will be living in two years from now, when I am no longer receiving an education at our fine establishment on 20th and Olney, nor any post-grad programs. 

So while I can never say I hate you, I can at the very least write you this anti-love letter that you will likely never read. As for the concert, if anyone in the Philadelphia area is interested in purchasing tickets for a concert that will take place in two frickin’ years, please email


Emily Allgair

My Love for Public Transportation


Emily Allgair, Editor

Last year for my birthday, my roommate got me one of the best gifts I have ever received: a Septa sweatshirt. Navy blue with the accenting orange of the logo, my SEPTA sweatshirt has become one of my most prized possessions, and why wouldn’t it be?

Living so close to Center City, SEPTA is the easiest way to get around, and it only costs like $2.50 to do so. We are truly blessed to live 0.6 miles from a SEPTA stop, and although it can at times be intimidating, some of the characters on SEPTA are some you’d find nowhere else.


A less scary but more long-term form of public transportation is that of Amtrak. I live in Maryland, so when I go home I usually ride the train, and boy, do I love it. This past weekend I sat diagonally behind a man who put his feet up on the seats across from him and took a nap. That’s not the kicker, though. He took off his socks to do so! How silly!

Eventually his piggies got chilly and he put the socks back on, but for 45 minutes I got to witness all of the reactions of those walking past and let me tell you, they were awesome. Lots of double takes, head shaking and even one dropped jaw. 

Moral of the story: if you love people watching and travel, public transit is the thing for you and I can’t recommend it enough.

“If He Wanted To, He Would.”


Emily Allgair, Editor

This week’s article is going to be a little more introspective, so ladies and gents, I apologize in advance.

via Relevant Magazine

No matter what point of your relationship you’re in, whether you’ve been in a committed relationship for three plus years or you just matched on Tinder, the phrase “if he wanted to, he would” has probably crossed your mind. And I agree… To some extent.

If you’re pissed because you’ve been staring at your phone all day, jumping at every notification expecting it to be them asking you out, I have a question for you: what would happen if you asked them out instead?

Now I know, sometimes it is crucial that they be the one to make the first move, especially if the last four first-moves have been on your behalf, but if this isn’t your case, put on your big-person pants and go first.

Love is a waiting game, but it doesn’t have to be. Plus, if you’re making the first moves, the odds of them becoming more comfortable with the idea to do so increases. So then even if you’re not expecting them to make the first move and they do, imagine how good it will feel.

Especially you ladies: while it is nice to have men pining over you, sometimes you’ve gotta girlboss it out and do it yourself. Nothing says “I’m confident” like asking someone out. Talk about an adrenaline rush.

Call Your Grandma


Emily Allgair, Editor

Call it a fluke in the system, but somehow I don’t have any classes on Mondays. So when I wake up on those mornings, I create a to-do list and try to accomplish most if not everything I write down as a means of starting the week off productively. Some Mondays, I accomplish more than others, especially if there was a heartbreaking game on the night before…

This morning as I was writing my list, I thought about my grandparents. I don’t know what sparked the mental image of them, but something deep within me wondered how are they? What are they up to? Still enjoying retirement?

And I likely already know these answers, as they always are answered the same way whenever I ask them, but it’s still nice to check in. And as nice as it is for me, it’s probably much nicer for them to hear from their granddaughter. 


Plus, grandparents are awesome. They have already lived a life greater than yours, so you might as well take advantage of their wisdom. Listen to their stories about their wacky book club conundrums or their grocery store anecdotes. Maybe grandpa had a crazy run-in with his nemesis and ended up besting him in front of a large crowd, you know, normal grandpa stuff. 

So sometime this week, whether you’re still coping with Sunday’s loss or planning a fun dinner with your loved one for Valentine’s, add calling your grandma to your to-do list. It will definitely brighten your day, and more importantly, it will brighten hers.