Nolen Kelly, Staff

Header image: FX

It was announced earlier this semester that La Salle’s President Colleen Hanycz would be stepping down from her role. We here at the Collegian have done our research and are very excited to welcome Francis “Frank” Reynolds to La Salle University. Frank is a short, stocky, disgusting man, but a proud lifelong Philadelphian. We know you are probably wondering what credentials Mr. Reynolds possibly could have to be a Lasallian leader.

As a child, Frank got to know the ins and outs of the mental institutional system as he was admitted with a rare mental condition known as “Donkey Brains,” although it was discovered Frank did not have any sign of “Donkey Brains” and has since had the condition expunged from his medical history. Frank is a well-traveled man who has owned and operated several businesses across the world such as a clothing manufacturing center in Vietnam that hired local young people for very efficient costs that was totally not a sweatshop, according to Reynolds himself.

In the past, Reynolds has been in the furniture business, in a manner of speaking, and has often worked odd-jobs, getting to know the urban landscape of the city of brotherly love. Reynolds has two children that he knows of, Dennis and Deandra Reynolds, with whom he manages a local South Philadelphia bar, Paddy’s Pub, alongside their business associates and owners, Charlie Kelly and Ronald “Mac” McDonald. 

Reynolds is in support of national gun rights, artistic expression, supports sex workers and is a connoisseur of unique hardboiled cuisine. Reynolds has even acted as drummer in a band for a short stint and has had multiple stage appearances at his local theater. He has invested much of his time and resources into such activities as skiing, rehabilitation for drug addicts, events sponsored by his bar and company trips to various places including Ocean City, New Jersey.

Mr. Reynolds will make a fine addition to the La Salle family and I for one am very excited to see what he has in store for all of us here at La Salle University.