Social gathering etiquette

Satire

Editor, Claire Kunzier 

A year and a half after being told being near people could kill you, and were supposed to remember how to socialize. Okay. Cool. Well, let’s take a second to think back on how you think you were supposed to act. Okay. Now listen to me when I say you need a refresher, but good for you class is in session. Professor Claire is here to tell you how to socialize in a large, informal, group setting without being a dick or looking stupid. Please remember that this lesson is pertaining to COVID safe gatherings and is not supporting large, unsafe gatherings. 

  1. Think about what day it is during the week 

If your friends invite you over for a kickback on a weekday, excluding Friday and including Sunday night, it is not a party. This means lowkey, bring your own (whatever), ending early, staying quieter, big sweatshirt energy and showing up close to when the event starts. If your friends invite you over for a kickback on the weekend, excluding Sunday night and including Friday, it’s a party. This means higher energy, bring your own (whatever) but there could be stuff provided, ending later, being louder, cute outfit energy and being on time doesn’t matter. If you confuse the two, your host(s) will be pissed off and will not invite you over anymore. 

  1. Never assume

If you’re invited to someone’s house, the easiest way to avoid any issue is to ASK them. Does it start at 9 p.m. or should you come late? Will food and drinks be provided? What should you wear? If not already specified, just ask. Also, if you’re at someone else’s house, ask before you take or do or assume. Do you need some water? Ask the host for a cup. You’re hungry? Ask if you can have something to eat. Just because someone else has something doesn’t mean you can have it too. SO JUST ASK. 

  1. Pay attention to what’s going on around you

You are not the star of the night, don’t try and command all the attention or be the center of the attention. 

  1. Take care of your friends

You come with people, you leave with those people. During the event they are your responsibility and if they’re having a rough night, it’s your job to make sure they’re okay. Don’t let random girls take care of your friend because you’re too busy dancing, that’s just shitty to the girls and your friend. When it’s time to go, you better be making sure everyone gets home safely, there’s no leaving people or dipping without telling them, that’s a jerk move, homie. 

  1. Just be a decent human

The location you are at is not yours, do not treat it like it is and also don’t treat it like shit. Don’t just take things like food, lighters or beverages without asking. If it would piss you off then it probably pisses someone else off.

Thank you for joining my lesson and I hope you put them to use safely ❤

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