David O’Brien, Editor-in-Chief

I go to the beach. People walk around. They all behave strangely. They play music on twenty dollar speaker and drown out the calming sound of the waves. They put up umbrellas to block the sun. The sun is good for you! Stop putting on sunblock! Sunblock is carcinogenic. The sun has been a source of vitality for thousands of years but now its bad? This makes no sense. At least use coconut oil or something natural as sunblock if you feel like it is necessary. People refuse to swim in the ocean. This makes more sense, water can be cold. But ocean is mighty and healing. Scientists say man came from the ocean. Evolved from some kind of fish. I agree. The ocean restores vitality. The salt and the water is healing. Man was meant to enjoy the waves and the salt. Don’t believe me? Watch Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson movie, The Lighthouse or read Melville’s Moby Dick or Yukio Mishima’s novels Sound of Waves or Sailor who Fell From Grace. I ask you, what is going on? Why go to beach if all you do is sit away from ocean, block out sun, block out reality. Is it strange I like water and sun? Is it strange? Why am I bad guy for asking people stop playing music? I like musics. I listen to many musics from Eminem to Mozart. I like umbrella, I find women who carry them with long white gloves very classy. I do not always want to swim and personally am not a big fan of salt water. Not at beach. Do you understand what I am saying?

Things smell bad these days. Has anyone else noticed this?  Today, I bought a lemon pledge and wiped down my furniture because I like the smell of cleaning supplies. Is this okay? I like the smell of chemicals that give me cancer more than the new smells they have been making. I suppose I am willing to knock off a few years of my life for the smell of delicious lemon pledge. If only lemons tasted as good as lemon pledge smells. Do you understand? We allow ourselves dangers to our health to live a good life. Many choose to smoke despite knowing its cancerous. Why? It feels good. Many choose to drive, knowing they are significantly more likely to die behind the wheel. It is preferable to live a life of risk in car than a life of boredom or fear. I feel this way about lemon pledge. It is a danger I accept to live a good life. Many things, people, places, etc. smell bad these days. If I was president, I would pass law to make things smell better. I want a world of lemon pledge. It may be unnatural but some aspects of industrialism are beautiful and great. Some bring us closer to god. Lemon pledge is great. (This is not an ad) Many aspects of modern world is a dangerous concrete jungle or iron prison, however creature comforts are few and far between. Life is meant to be enjoyed. We all have a lemon pledge. What’s your lemon pledge? Perhaps you prefer Pine-Sol. It smells good but not as good.

I have been asked by many if I suffer from mental illness. Why? Because I do not like parking lot world? Because I liek the smell of manufactured lemons? Because I think Breyer’s Natural Vanilla is better than hard drugs? Is it because I celebrate Handsome Thursday on Wednesday? Is a man mentally ill for enjoying the fruits of life and revolting against evil. Who is really mental ill, the man who wishes to escape the iron prison or the man who demands that not only do you stay in the iron prison but also demands you enjoy living in the iron prison. What does this even mean? Where am I? Is college a form of social control? In the movie My Dinner with Andre, Andre refers to New York as a place that everyone wants to leave but simultaneously refuses to. He argues that it is a prison where everyone inside lives in a state of schizophrenia where htye are both the warden and the prisoner. Is college the same? Philadelphia certainly is. Where can I be free? I seek freedom and joy. This makes me mentally ill to some. Man of power, Howard Hughes once said, “passion will make you crazy but is there any other way to live.” He is viewed as crazy. Man refused to leave house for years. However, he was man of power, truly free. He flew fastest planes, made many movies, was richest man in world, truly a man of great life. Better life than many. Imagine the joy of flying the Spruce Goose, a flying boat. Imagine producing your own movie. If that is illness than I happily accept diagnosis. Who is more ill, the schizo in New York or the recluse who follows his dreams. Does this make any sense? Am I understood? Does saying this make me bad guy? Am I enabling illness or am I pointing out that many have a much more dangerous undiagnosed illness of mass schizophrenia. Yes reader, you might be schizo, in fact, you probably are.

I find myself with my inner barbaric desire to steal more often these days. Some say stealing groceries to feed your family is evil?! I disagree. Ever watched Les Miserables??? The thrill of the hunt re-emerges when stealing a klondike bar. It awakens the hunter within me. It offers the reward of calories in exchange for the thrill of being hunted potentially. I have been banned by several Chili’s for stealing numerous dishes from various tables. Buffalo Wild Wings kicked me out after eating several plates of the “free” lemons. Am I evil for being hungry? Am I evil for being RAVENOUS? I disagree. I live in a concrete world of poor smells and people who hate the beach. How wrong is it to steal a steak when the government steals my taxes from me. My teachers steal my time. Everyone is a thief. You are a thief. I am not a monster. You can call me what you will but I am much closer to a prophet than a monster. Many live as monsters without even realizing it. Does knowing this make me a “bad guy?” Do you understand?

If Kafka could get a glimpse of my life, your life, all modern life, he would weep knowing he could never produce anything that even pales in comparison to the malicious absurdity we endure. Industrial world is certainly abnormal. I can only hope a reader grasps the message of these parables. One day, I hope english professor teaches this. Shows future generation the mind of a true degenerate schizo, the mind of a free man, the mind of one who grasps modernity. This seems much more appetizing than marvel movie, young adult GARBAGE.

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