David O’Brien, Editor-in-Chief

iPhones are satanic. No, I am not joking. You must take this article seriously. I am being fully serious. You should completely believe everything I have to say in the April Fool’s Day edition article I am writing. There is ample evidence to support this claim, iPhones are satanic. It is no new claim that many aspects of the modern world are satanic. Numerous figures support this claim from Alex Jones who warns us about Hollywood psychic vampires to David Icke who warns us about lizard aliens who harvest our negative energy (yes both of these people actually believe this and push these messages and yes you should obviously believe these hard hitting journalists). However, while these figures argue that demons have possessed our elites, I am here to warn each and everyone of you that demons are working towards instituting the age of the anti-christ through iphones and the internet.

First, allow me to explain briefly the dangers of demons and the antichrist. Demons and the Anti-Christ while often portrayed as little monsters with horns or a scary goat man are a lot different than their usual portrayal. Demons are psychic entities. They do not have a direct material form, they influence material forms, they exist within the collective unconscious and the spiritual plain. Numerous theologians and “conspiracy theorists” provide different evidence and ideas surrounding how they cannot appear directly. One of which is “Solomon’s Seal” where King Solomon binded demons to be kept away from the innocent in exchange to spare them from being destroyed by warriors of God like myself. While the innocent are protected, those exposed in this cosmic war are not (like you now that you have read this). God-loving men like myself know these things fight against demons, however others who learn these things use them for personal gain, Satanists like Aleister Crowley have sought to utilize “the keys of Solomon” to manipulate demons into doing his bidding. However, demons are like genies, on the surface they are happy to grant wishes and help those contacting them, however they really are out to get you. Look no further than Carl Jung, who attributed many of his discoveries in psychology to the demonic entity Philemon who possessed him. Yes, he made numerous discoveries but in doing so he was unable to attain the self-actualization he described and was unable to surrender his own ego to the divine (Memories, Dreams and Reflections). The point of all of this being, demons cannot directly show themselves to mankind materially despite many of them desiring the ability to due to the king’s pact; demons can however utilize technology, books, and psychic energy to allow themselves to interact mankind; major figures throughout history have interacted with spiritual entities and in doing so have made major works of both science and art (Giodurno Bruno, August Kekule, David O’Brien, Johann Wolfgang Goethe, Nikola Tesla, etc.) however, how many of these great men were influenced by demons for the sake of allowing this long term scheme of establishing the antichrist? These questions plague my mind!

But where does the internet and iPhones fit into this? If demons cannot interact with the common man directly, what better way is for them to speak to mankind than the internet. That way we can see demons without truly seeing them, hear them without truly hearing them, and most dangerously accept their thoughts into our psyche in a seemingly natural way. Bit of a stretch? Let’s take a look at computer chips… the top half of this image depicts ancient sigils utilized to summon demons and pagan gods, the bottom half depicts a computer’s data chip.

Computer manufacturers are implementing demonic sigils into your computer to allow you access to the internet! This is the genie’s wish. Oh geez I love the internet surely nothing bad will happen with opening pandora’s box!!!

What is an iPhone? It is a black cube you use to access the internet. Yes, it does other things. I do not care about those things. For the sake of this article I do not care about phone calls, text messages, and things that are normal. I care about the internet and that we access the internet through black cubes. Many ancient pagan cults believed that pagan gods resided within black cubes and meteorites. Occult circles have brought this back into vogue (Guenon, Veil of Isis). iPhones are black cubes. Perhaps… demons reside in these ones like they once resided in ancient meteors!

There is a conspiracy theory, we the collegian, joke about often. It is called Time Cube. Where a man theorizes that clocks are measured incorrectly. He argues time is not a circle, it is a cube. I would have to say that he is on to something. The material world is cubic. The cross can be viewed as a deconstructed cube. Perhaps the crucifixion is a sign of deconstructing not only pagan idols but also deconstructing the material world to allow man to transcend it towards the divine. The circle is transcendental. God is a circle. There are no edges or endings on the circle, only one line or perhaps a million that go on forever. Circles are eternal. Would phones be better as circles rather than cubes? Could they still harness demonic power? Who knows? Either way, I have provided evidence that black cubes are symbolic of pagan/demonic worship as well as a sign of worshiping the material world and rejecting true transcendental divinity. 

What’s the goal of worshiping black cubes and working with demons? What do demons want? Demons want the antichrist to be restored. The goal is for you to lose your humanity and become one with the internet. AI uses data about you. One day, AI will pretend to be sentient but AI has no soul, it has no divine sparks as the gnostics put it. Do not allow yourself to fall for the trick! Do not allow yourself to become one with technology, it is a satanic ploy!

Our elites have been warning us about this for years. In 1957, the movie “Kronos” was released where a giant black cube possesses people using electricity. A black cube is possessing mankind with the powers of technology to do its bidding… In 2017, David Lynch’s Twin Peaks the Return, following the atomic bomb malicious entities begin possessing people to harvest energy. Unprecedented technological power leads to mankind being possessed to do monster bidding… In the 1988 movie, “They Live,” lizard aliens possess people and have brainwashed mankind to follow their agenda through technology and media. Technological power leads to mankind being possessed to do their possessors bidding… In the 2012-2016 animated series “Gravity Falls,” the demon Bill Cipher possesses a scientist to help create a portal to release a world of “weirdness” allowing malicious entities to overthrow mankind. A demon possesses someone and uses technology to help destroy mankind… I can keep going but I think you get it.

What’s the point of all of this? Okay so demons are in my phone and online, what’s their goal? Their goal is to put YOU online so they can take over YOU. They want YOU in the matrix. Don’t believe me? Look at the metaverse. Zuckerberg (talk about a lizard man…) is literally creating a matrix world where you can plug in and give up on living a good life. They want mankind to blend with technology, they want technology men, cyborgs, that they can then possess and use. Demons want to create an antichrist to “save” mankind from itself so then they can destroy God’s world. This is the greatest spiritual battle of our time.

I am not telling you to stop using the internet. I am simply warning you of the demonic scheme. I use Twitter. The internet can be great for teaching yourself things. However the malignant forces of the internet are trying to DESTROY you. How many people are becoming insane from tiktok and having their lives ruined from becoming obsessed with dopamine overdose. Be careful. Stay vigilant. Maybe ditch your iPhone for a flip phone? Limit your screen time. Do not plug in and tune out. Use the internet as a tool because demons are trying to use you as a tool for their scheme to take over the world.