Claire Kunzier, Editor

The children’s cartoon show “Peppa Pig ” is in itself nightmare fuel. The simply drawn animals shouldn’t be as scary as they are, especially because first of all, it’s a children’s show and secondly, it’s a story about Peppa who is anfour-year-old English pig child living life with her pig family and other animal friends. But, truly it is something that could be turned terrifying due to simple adjustments of one’s knowledge of the cartoon. 

The scariest part about Peppa is that, according to Google, she is 7’1”, the same height as several of the NBA’s tallest players. Now, it is also discussed on the internet that Peppa is about 3’9”, but why does it come up that she is 7’1” and why do I believe that it is more likely that she is not 3’9” and is in fact 7’1”?

The thought of a giant Peppa Pig running around in some universe is terrifying, but I can’t imagine her in any other way. She is tall enough to literally step on and kill people, especially short people like Snooki, Danny Devito and half of TLC’s payroll. Over a foot taller than me and most other people: giant Peppa would be a menace to society and could easily kill most people if she wanted to, even if she can’t always squish them like bugs. She is a pig, pigs do eat literally anything, so giant Peppa could eat you as well, in addition to being able to kill you if she wanted to. Her sizing also means that her four-year-old self will just get bigger considering her parents are both respectively 12 feet and 15 feet. Literally terrifying. 

As someone who has had to watch Peppa as an adult due to babysitting, the things she says and the timing of her pauses are also pretty wild, but that’s a story for another day. Just think about how large Peppa Pig actually is next time you watch her show and realize that you are never going to beat Peppa.