The government is efficient | Foolegian

Foolegian, Satire

David O’Brien, Editor

Header Image: The Cheap Place

For the first time since the peak of the Obama Administration, the American presidential approval rating is above 67 (that would be a D+). The people of the U.S. are happy not only with their president but also their Congress and judicial branch. All three branches of government are being run properly and the majority of people outside of moderates are happy with the way things are going. There is no internal strife within the United States and above all, Americans are united in their efforts to build a better country along with a better world. The government is doing great. The government is guiding us to a better future. The government is efficient.

Americans are totally fine with gas prices being above four dollars as long as they help us in our battle for global hegemony. Americans are totally fine with the U.S.’s response to the Ukraine crisis. Americans have all collectively agreed to only trying to stop war crimes and global crises as long as they are being caused by nations we are not allied with. As the United States continues to combat climate change, the new policies are WAY better for the environment. Lithium batteries are not manufactured in a method that is equally destructive towards the ozone layer as well as towards the ecology of the region they are mined in.

The majority of Americans have acknowledged the fact they live in a society dominated by technocrats, financial interests and the almighty dollar, and as the days go by it becomes more obvious that the U.S. will not simply try to appease the general populace through constantly manufacturing crises to distract us but actually try and build a better government and country so the youth of today and tomorrow will have a future that is not dominated by social, political and economic instability.

The U.S.’s taxpayers are making a worthwhile contribution towards a better society. Each new political debate aired in the news demonstrates that the average politician, media outlet and citizen is focusing on what is really important. Each and every person should be happy with the principles and actions of the U.S. government and its policies. The military, court system, NSA, CIA, FBI and other agencies are regulated properly and the average citizen has the ability to be involved with the important mechanisms of the American government. Change is clearly possible. The system clearly cares about each and every person in it. The government is efficient and utilizes the money coming out of your wallet in a positive manner. Each and every person should be overjoyed with the policies of the United States and the U.S.’s attempts to institute these policies to help improve society. Why bother with federal voting reform bills when the federal government votes on all major policy decisions behind closed doors?! The government is efficient.

Above all, the youth of today are happy with their ability to be involved in government and help provide new insights to building back a better country. Sure, the average age of Congress is 57 and the average age of the Senate is 62. Sure, the president is 79 years old (three years younger than the average nursing home resident) and the opponent to the president being 75 years old. But hey, the youth of today are completely fine with living in a gerontocracy where the people who have put no effort in maintaining the economic conditions they grew up in for their children and their grandchildren are in charge.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s