Who can stop Russia?


Claire Kunzier, Editor 

Header Image: The Economist

We are watching Russia invade Ukraine, in the middle of a global pandemic, all while the Queen of England has COVID. With this decade’s chapter in future history books being THICK already, the 2020’s cannot catch a break. During this tense time, many are looking for answers and thinking who will come and save us? I am probably the last person to give my opinion, but here is who I think could stop Russia if given the chance and what supplies they would need. 

  1.  Taylor Swift, 12 minutes and every single one of her fans fully equipped with the US weaponry

First, T-Swiz on a concert stage, in a very safe location miles and miles away from the action, in front of her, millions of Swifties. She will give a rousing minute-thirty speech getting everyone ready to go and then, for the remaining ten minutes and thirteen seconds, she starts “All Too Well” THE TEN MINUTE VERSION and then war. By the end of the first bridge, Russian forces will be wearing thin, by the end of the second verse, full retreat and at the end of the song, world domination. 

  1. Philadelphia fans 

We all saw what happened to Philadelphia after the Eagles won the Super Bowl. Okay, that was our own city. Give out a bunch of beers, promise everyone their favorite cheesesteak and play every sports championship game leading up to the 2018 Super Bowl. I am sure that other sports team fans, especially the Bills, could do it, but Philly will do it. 

  1. The women from the Jersey Shore 

No explanation needed.

Russia could never stand a chance if put up against anyone listed above, especially JWOW. JWOW def beat Putin’s ass. 

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