Kim and Kanye’s divorce attorneys diary


Claire Kunzier, Editor  

Day 1 of Kimye divorce: Not too bad. Both of them are in different homes and Kim has the kids, so everything is looking good. 

Day 2: Kanye bit North’s foot. She said she wanted to live with Kim so he bit her foot.

Day 3: Kim burned every pair of her Yeezys and everything else Kanye has made for his brand that she owns. Why she couldn’t donate them is beyond me. 

Week 2: Kayne sent cookies with Jeffery Star’s face on them to Kim, and now Kim is stomping on them. Just smashing them, cookie by cookie. The kids all stole one and said they taste really good for having Voldemort’s face on them. Saint doesn’t understand why Voldemort has hair or how he has a nose. 

Week 3: Kris Jenner just got into a fist fight with Kanye. She punched him and then said “Not one of my girls” and just became an animal. Security broke them apart, but Kris cracked open a beer and said “pour one out for the Trumper.”

One month: I quit.

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