Tyler Small, Staff

Well, folks, it’s finally happened! The only show worth watching on La Salle TV is moving to the big time. ESPN recently announced that SportsLine, which brings you all of your news regarding La Salle sports every Thursday (and sometimes Wednesdays) at around 8:00 p.m. on YouTube and the LTV Instagram, will be covering NCAA happenings in a national broadcasting slot.

SportsLine, hosted by the absolutely radiant, charismatic, and enchanting Siobhan Nolan and some guy named, like, Timothy or Theodore or Tobias or something, has been orchestrating this deal since the beginning of the semester. Studio manager Tonya Ellis revealed that ESPN expressed rampant interest after seeing the abundant broadcasting talents of Nolan, who made her debut as a fixture on SportsLine at the beginning of it’s 23rd season.

“They saw how engaging and captivating she was, and were amazed at how interesting she made the show even when we were completely remote,” Ellis said. “[ESPN CEO] James Pitaro called me personally and said, ‘We need to take this show to the next level. Every college sports fan needs to have SportsLine in their life.’”

Pitaro originally wanted Nolan to host the show by herself, but she refused to film the show without her counterpart.

“Tyler is just as important to the show as I am,” Nolan told The Collegian. “He talks about the boring, nerdy stuff like stats and numbers. It makes us sound more legit and like we don’t actually plagiarize our recaps from GoExplorers.com. He’s essential to this operation.”

The show’s other producers — the ethereal Jamie Smith, the steadfast Myles Williams, and big baller senior producer Isaiah Clark — will continue their work on the show, meaning that SportsLine, ever the innovators, will manage an elaborate national broadcast with literally just five people putting the show together.

The first episode of SportsLine will be airing this Thursday, with a projected audience of 328.2 million people tuning in.