Fun things to do in the snow.

Satire

Claire Kunzier, Editor 

February 3, 2021

Everyone loves a good snowstorm, as seen by the one Philadelphia and the rest of the northeast got this past Sunday to Tuesday. The wintery mix of cold air and frozen water particles means that no one wants to drive to work or school so you automatically get a snow day! Here are somethings you can do in the snow:

1. NOTHING. 

Maisey, Claire’s goldendoodle puppy

Now I know what you’re thinking, “Claire. Why do nothing when you can play in the snow, go sledding, skiing/snowboarding etc?” Let me tell you, none of those activities will bring you as much joy as taking a hot shower, putting on the warmest thing you own, eating warm food and wrapping yourself up in every blanket you own just to lay on the couch or in bed and watch random shit on TV for hours. There’s no way for you to get cold and or wet, you have yourself and whoever you live with, humans or animals, to keep you company, and most importantly there’s no expectation. Also, once you’re suited up in snow gear, you’re subjected to hours of an activity, when you do nothing you can do anything. It’s all up to you to do homework, read, eat, go outside or whatever you want or don’t want to do. I’m not saying you can’t go outside and play in the snow, I’m just saying think logically, you’re gonna get really hot and sweat and then when you stop you get really cold and wet because it’s cold and wet outside and even if you have a snow suit on, shits still gonna suck when you have shelp yourself and your stuff back to wherever you came from. So get ahead of the game and do nothing like us smart people a.k.a me. 

“Bridgerton,” a tasteful way to watch porn with your mom. (Spoiler Alert)

Satire

January 27, 2021

Claire Kunzier, Editor

The new Netflix series “Bridgerton,” based off of Julia Quinn’s book series, has topped the streaming charts during the month of January. The first season follows lead character Daphne Bridgerton and her journey to find a husband during her first London season, which basically is when all the rich people move back to London, party and try to get hitched. The series also follows Daphne’s seven siblings’ stories, the Duke of Hastings, her love interest, other rich families such as the Fetherikngtons and, arguably, most importantly Lady Whisldown the gossip magazine terrorizing the rich families of London. Lady Whisldown exposes many people and generally stirs the pot, making this show seem like a “Gossip Girl” period piece. But, while “Bridgerton”  is a period piece, this is no bland Jane Austin book; in true Netflix style, shit’s raunchy and racy. Now, because this is a period piece and normally, as I just spoke about, watchers expecting a nice show to watch with their mom were met with a bear within the first 15 minutes of the first episode. As the show progresses watchers see sex in a bed, on the steps, in the woods, in the library with instrumental Taylor Swift playing in the background, you name it, these characters have probably done it. As someone who watched this with their mom, younger sister and older brother, we skipped through all 18 sexy scenes. This didn’t prevent the awkward conversation my mother decided to have with my 18-year-old sister and my 20-year-old self about protection — a conversation that was sparked by the Duke of Hastings using the “pull out” method to prevent Daphne from becoming pregnant. Watch the series if you want more context cause I’m not giving a play-by-play of the plot. My sister and I have both gone through sex ed in High school; my mom very much late to this conversation and was informed quickly by the two of us. Moral of the story, skip through the sexy scenes if you’re watching it with anyone that will make you uncomfy a.k.a your mom, or you know, just watch it alone. Besides that, I highly suggest watching it for the beauty of the sets, costumes and overall aesthetic along with the great storylines. Ask your mom if she wants to watch it with you and maybe just surprise her with all the sex. 

I can’t stop making playlists.

Satire

January 27, 2021

Claire Kunzier, Editor

Due to the pandemic, I am not allowed to do anything, my social life is dead, the only people I see are my family members and I have very little hobbies so I don’t do anything. Don’t get me wrong, we’re in a pandemic, millions of people around the world have died and there is a new strain of COVID-19, I don’t want a social life. What I want is for people to be like me and have no social life and be safe, but there’s only so much that can be done about that. As I remain in my home doing nothing, the one hobby I do, quite a lot, is making playlists about anything and everything. Most people started working out, cooking and creating art and I just didn’t want to do that. No, I wanted to spend hours listening to various artists, albums and styles of music to create various playlists in order to occupy my time and I WANT TO DO IT. All I want is to plug in and find the perfect song that fits for the Hogwarts houses, which I did for all four houses. My friends have been my biggest supporters of this because every couple of weeks they get a new playlist of 100-300 songs that fit a certain vibe. Moral of the story is, do what you like to do even if it’s random and weird, respect the fact that we as a country are in a global pandemic and don’t just do whatever you want especially without a mask. (follow my Spotify @ckunzier)