Ethan McGlone, Staff Writer

New York City, New York – Child star Lyle Crocodile was arrested early Saturday morning at approximately 3:45 A.M. in downtown New York. Blowing a .27 on the breathalyzer, Lyle was apprehended by officials after pancaking a Prius going 120 MPH through a 4-way intersection. We could not get a quote from Lyle himself, but we got to ask the police a few questions as they were handling the situation.

“It was a red light. He went 120 through a red light,” says Chief Officer Brian Smith. We see this often, child stars who go off the rails after their career does not pan out as they had expected. In an interview only a few weeks ago, Lyle told reporters “La La La La La…” It was extremely apparent he was on drugs during this, which we expect to be either ecstasy or crack cocaine. From the Collegian newspaper, this is Ethan McGlone reporting.