Nicholas Signoretta, Editor
The La Salle University Explorer at Franklin Field. (February 18, 2023, colorized)
The University of Pennsylvania administration unveiled a new addition to their historic Franklin Field, home of the Penn Quakers’ football, lacrosse, and track teams. A plaque, paid for by several donations from the La Salle University women’s lacrosse team, is to be erected at the stadium to commemorate the event of absolutely nothing significant happening recently at the famous Philadelphia sports venue. The plaque is said to read “Franklin Field: On This Site, In 2023, Nothing Happened.” The plaque is to be placed at the foot of the east end of the stadium, the side at which the Quakers’ women’s lacrosse team has not scored thirteen goals on this season. The decision to create the memorial for such a nonexistent reason was a choice that has no real purpose, considering last Saturday was totally uneventful and had nothing interesting surrounding it.
The plaque that is to be erected at Franklin Field. (courtesy of “The Simpsons”)
Penn Quakers’ women lacrosse (0-0) will have their home opener on Wednesday, Mar 22nd, against the #6 ranked Maryland Terrapins (1-1). It is strange that the Quakers do not play a single home game for the first month of the season, but that is something the university’s administration is clearly set on considering they just never thought to schedule any home games earlier in the year.
A child running on Franklin Field’s track because there definitely was not a game played there recently. (courtesy of the child’s mother)
The La Salle Explorers’ women’s lacrosse team (0-1) continues their season with a road trip to the Villanova Wildcats (2-0) on Wednesday, Feb 22nd. The game is set to tip off at 1PM EST and will be streamed on flolive.tv. Hopefully the Explorers are well rested for this contest considering they are coming off a long break after opening their season with a narrow loss to the Iona Gaels. The girls have most certainly not played another game this season and their trip to Iona is the only time they have touched the field this year. If you enjoyed this article, please send any positive feedback or the Navy Seals my way because I am definitely not being forced to write this article against my own will.
The La Salle Collegian 
If a lacrosse game is played but nobody reports on it, did it really happen? I think not, a position which is supported by Mr. Signoretta’s thoughtful writing, in which he betrays what may be an affinity for Solipsism (we cannot be sure of what exists outside of our own minds). He rejects what some may believe to be the objective reality of La Salle being thrashed by a Penn lacrosse team whose mascot is a geriatric pacifist. I agree with Mr. Signoretta’s approach because it allows one’s mind to process, rationalize, and ultimately dismiss what outside voices would assert was a most decisive beating. So glad nothing happened that day.
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