Claire Kunzier, Editor 

Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that the newest edition in the multitude of Batman movies is doing well with both critics and audiences. But, Robert Pattinson made a statement, a promise, to pursue another career path if his take on the cape crusader failed. In the modern era of the amazing Christian Bale “Batman Begins” trilogy and the interesting Ben Affleck “Justice League” Batman, Pattison had a 50/50 chance of being a bop or a flop. It’s a bop, with a 86 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, high ratings from the Collegian and an 8.5/10 rating on IMDB as well as an overall positive audience review. I cannot personally back the reviews, since I have yet to watch the film, but you can check out A&E for their take. 

Like I said prior, I am happy for those involved in the film for its success, BUTMr. Robert Pattinson, in his normal outta pocket manor, has me wishing for the failure of “The Batman.” Pattinson told The Guardian in a recent interview that if the superhero movie flops, “Porn,” he will do “art house porn.” WHY WOULDN’T WE WANT HIM TO FAIL? While he is notorious for giving the press outlandish interviews with far-fetched answers, I don’t think he was lying about doing porn. Art house porn is, I’m guessing, just like the A24 of porn and Pattinson is an A24 actor. He is everyone’s celeb crush, well at least he’s mine and my moms, so I would assume his take on the adult film industry would be well received. His one commercial is already lowkey porn, he’s done sex scenes in Twilight (2008) and other movies, homie’s halfway there. 

Sadly though, the film is a success, we will not be seeing Pattinson in any form of porn, art house or not, to our knowledge. A bummer, but also I am excited to see the movie and experience emo Batman and his edgy Gotham. If you’re really that hung up about the loss of the possibility, idk go read some fanfiction or take a cold shower. Like it’s not that deep, he was probably joking, no need to write a whole article about it or anything, damn.