Biker beef

Satire

Emily Allgair, Staff\

Header Image: Drive

My biggest pet peeve of all time is when bicyclists decide to ride on the road, and I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, although I might be the one who feels the strongest. Not only does riding your bike in the road create an inconvenience for the drivers who then have to slow down or swerve to avoid hitting you despite there being a sidewalk that literally was made for the purpose of transporting yourself beside the road when you don’t have a car, it also reveals the major sense of entitlement that cyclists hold themselves to. Like, it’s not the Tour de France, it’s 8 a.m. on a Tuesday. I have somewhere to be and you have the notion that you are as fast, or important, as my car; and guess what, you aren’t even comparable to my four-ton vehicle. But the worst, most irreverent act of cycling that one could possibly conduct is that of riding side by side with other cyclists. This means that there is no physical way for a car to speed up and go around you because you and your gaggle of Armstrong-wannabes have decided to start training for a race. In all likelihood, you won’t even win said race, meaning that you made me late to work for a participation trophy at that. 

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