My Christmas List

Satire

Claire Kunzier, Editor 

Copyedits: Jake, Kylie, Jeri

I know what you’re thinking, “Claire you’re 21. Stop making Christmas lists.” NO. shhhhhhhh. Stay quiet. I have a list of what I want and at this point I am hoping that a bit of Christmas spirit and magic will make it happen for me.

  1. Sleep

I would like to get into my bed at 9 p.m. and not get out until I want to. NO ALARMS. I’ve been working late and waking up early for the whole semester and I am over it. All I want is to sleep away my problems and catch up on the countless hours I have missed out on. 

  1. Pass my classes

I’m not worried that I won’t pass, but if there could be a jump from here to the end with me passing that would be amazing. It’s only fair, I’ve done school for a long time and I’ve never had it happen, this is my last chance. 

  1. A snack 

I need a snack right now and if Santa can hear me now asking for a snack and doesn’t give me one, then I guess there’s no milk and cookies, bitch. 

  1. A snow day

Preferably on a Monday or Wednesday or Thursday, if there could just be a good chunk of snow that makes it dangerous to commute to schools that would be amazing. 

  1. A goddamn minute

Everything needs to happen ASAP. What happened to taking a minute and being patient? Like come on, guys. 

Here is my list. Please help me get them so that I may be happy 🙂

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