Movie Reviews: “John Wick Chapter 4”, “Cocaine Bear” and More

Arts & Entertainment

Anthony Pantalone, Editor

Header Image Credit: “John Wick: Chapter 4” via Lionsgate

For both blockbuster franchises and casual filmgoers, March and February were big months at the cinema. Major studios released new installments of franchises like Marvel—with the newest Ant-Man film—and the Creed films. American audiences somewhat rejected superhero franchises in the past few months as both “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantummania” and “Shazam: Fury of the Gods” failed to drum up momentum at the box office. Superhero fatigue has slowly become apparent while other franchise films—“Creed III”, “Scream VI” and “John Wick: Chapter 4”—have done remarkably well domestically.

“John Wick: Chapter 4” via Lionsgate

“John Wick: Chapter 4”

This movie has everything a viewer could want— “Lawrence of Arabia” references, Buster Keaton-level stunt comedy, and Laurence Fishburne delightfully overacting. The “John Wick” franchise is one of the only action series in the United States that remains exciting after each installment—mostly due to the incredible action and stunt work in these films. In a world where “The Gray Man” cost over two hundred million and was the worst thing an action movie could be—bland and boring—the “John Wick” films represent the opposite side of that spectrum. Each new entry in this story keeps raising the bar in terms of what these movies can realistically accomplish. Instead of huge CGI set pieces, its bigger budget is spent on large gorgeous sets and incredible practical stunts—along with some of the best lighting you could ever expect out of a major action franchise. This franchise has continuously felt like John Wick’s own personal Inferno into which he has been pulled deeper and deeper with each film, and “Chapter Four” finally offers a path out of hell. The three-hour runtime depicts this agonizing blood-soaked journey out of hell and into the light and does not waste a single minute doing so.

“Creed III” via Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

“Creed III”

“Creed III” is Michael B. Jordan’s directorial debut and offers a strong third entry into this Rocky spin-off. While reception for “Creed II” had been just lukewarm or somewhat positive, critical consensus remarked that “III” has revitalized this franchise. I would thus agree with that consensus. Jordan is good once again in this lead role he has portrayed since 2015. It is a shame that Jonathan Majors’ recent arrest will mar enjoyment of this film moving forward, because Michael B. Jordan’s skill as a new director is fully on display. The fights feel exciting in a different way than any previous Rocky or Creed movie. Jordan also tries to convey an important message about toxic masculinity and how people can process their childhood traumas in healthy or unhealthy ways. One major disappointment though is that Sylvester Stallone—who had a falling out with producer Irwin Winkler—is sorely missed.

“Cocaine Bear” via Universal Pictures

“Cocaine Bear”

“Cocaine Bear” offers an incredible premise—in which a black bear ingests cocaine and subsequently goes on a rampage—and a decidedly mixed execution. This movie wants to be funny, but not too funny. This movie wants to feel scary and gory, but not too scary. It feels woefully overproduced and watered down. The end result makes it appear that “Cocaine Bear” does not really know what it even wants to be. Is it a comedy? Is it a slasher film? It fails to simultaneously be both. Not even Ray Liotta—may he rest in peace—or the kid from “The Florida Project” can elevate it into a great film.

“Knock at the Cabin” via Universal Pictures

“Knock at the Cabin”

M. Night Shyamalan is a divisive screenwriter to say the least. Some people love a number of his films. Other people hate all his movies. As a member of the former, I felt excitement for “Knock at the Cabin”. Shyamalan—known for his infamous twists—somehow still subverts the expectations of his audience with this film. While the dialogue is too on-the-nose and feels wonky at times, “Knock at the Cabin” features one of Shyamalan’s stronger screenplays—a story about the personal tragedies of the apocalypse. The writer-director fails to trust his audience later in the film, but that fault does not detract from overall enjoyment of the story itself. One major highlight was Dave Bautista’s performance as this action star and former wrestler was able to show off his dramatic acting chops. Bautista has recently made an attempt to prove himself as a serious dramatic actor by taking on challenging roles and working with prolific filmmakers like Shyamalan, Denis Villenueve, and Rian Johnson. He achieves this feat with his performance as “Leonard”—a mild-mannered stranger who has experienced horrific visions of the apocalypse and must force a family to make an impossible sacrifice to save the world. A final point is that no filmmaker working today loves Philadelphia, and his love of the City of Brotherly Love should be appreciated more. 

The Russo Brothers, Richard Madden, and Priyanka Chopra Jonas discuss their new show “Citadel”

Arts & Entertainment

Anthony Pantalone, Editor

Header Image credit: Amazon Studios

On Tuesday, Feb. 28, I had the opportunity to attend a trailer launch event for the Prime Video television show “Citadel” during which executive producers Joe and Anthony Russo, stars Richard Madden and Priyanka Chopra Jonas, and showrunner David Weil all were in attendance and spoke. “Citadel” will stand as a first-of-its-kind spy show that will branch off into international spin-off shows set around different countries—two series currently being planned for India and Italy. The story takes place eight years after the secret international spy agency Citadel had fallen to the forces of an evil shadow organization called Manticore and follows Mason Kane—played by Richard Madden (Game of Thrones, Marvel’s Eternals)—and Nadia Sinh—played by Priyanka Chopra (Quantico, Baywatch)—two former Citadel operatives that had since lost their memories of their prior lives as spies. When Manticore attempts to assert a new world order, Bernard Orlick—played by Stanley Tucci (The Hunger Games, Easy A)—brings Mason and Nadia back together on a mission that forces them to not only travel the globe but also face their shared history.

via Amazon Studios

Bringing Big-Budget Action to Television

The show represents a much-celebrated return to television for the Russo Brothers, who had first established themselves on shows like Arrested Development and Community before eventually directing colossal box office record-breaking hits like Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame. These directors now get to carry over their experience with big action set pieces and skilled action filmmaking into the television world as these executive producers stated that they wished to bring cutting-edge action-oriented storytelling to streaming with this show. Richard Madden echoes this sentiment by describing the nature of the show’s action. For him, this show is clearly divided into 50 percent drama and 50 percent action—a departure from most shows which are 80 percent drama and 20 percent action. Citadel carefully infuses its action set pieces with heart and drama for this actor. Chopra builds upon Madden’s statement by remarking on how the action in a scene is often tied to how that character feels in a given moment.

Richard Madden as Mason Kane

Global Filmmaking

This show is being marketed as a landmark international initiative in television—a franchise that intends to interact directly with audiences in multiple countries across the world. While the main “Citadel” series was shot in locations spanning the United States, Valencia in Spain, Morocco, and London, spin-off shows set in India and Italy in the same universe are currently in production. The Indian and Italian “Citadel” series will then interweave with the main show at different times—with characters from each series at times appearing in another region’s “Citadel” show. These branches of the franchise will be in the languages of the region and will be made by cast and crew from that country. This initiative will celebrate the international filmmaking community in countries outside the United States and show how film and television are truly global mediums for art. For Joe Russo, the show represented a unique opportunity to make a global diverse group of storytellers crafting a narrative together. The Russo Brothers thus jumped at this opportunity to be executive producers for “Citadel” due to their love for the international film community and the globe-spanning ambitions for the show. They also emphasize that everyone invited in from various countries and regions hold equal weight of importance to the story and franchise. The recent rise in popularity of non-English films affords the ability of Amazon Studios and the creatives involved to create a television universe and a long-form narrative that transcends national borders and oceans with “Citadel”. Priyanka Chopra emphasized this point as she likened Citadel to a “social experience” in which the Indian, Italian, and American storylines will intersect and blend into each other in this franchise—perhaps allowing the regional audiences for each show to overlap.

Stanley Tucci as Bernard Orlick, Richard Madden as Mason Kane

“Original IP”

One of the biggest selling points of this show emphasized during the launch event was the originality of “Citadel”. While theaters and streaming services are overwhelmingly populated with films and shows of preexisting IP (intellectual property), this program intends to bring something wholly original to audiences. An original IP means a brand new original story that is not being adapted or remade for the screen. There is no existing or old property with a built-in audience or following being used here, and this fact was exciting for everyone involved in the show. Anthony Russo credited Amazon for being willing to try something this large and expansive with a new IP. For the Russos and showrunner David Weil, being able to create something from scratch was a thrilling experience. For Weil, this opportunity “gave him license to dream” and not be tied down to any type of source material. It also aided in the global nature of the shows as they can work with the “Citadel” teams in other regions like India and Italy and easily change things.

Here is the official trailer:

The first two episodes of “Citadel” premiere on Prime Video on Apr. 28, with episodes releasing weekly on the streaming service through May 26. 

Oscars 2023: Picks and Predictions

Arts & Entertainment

Anthony Pantalone, Editor

The Academy Awards are here, and The Collegian is here as well to walk you through who should win and who will actually win. Hollywood typically uses this night to pat itself on the back and give out awards to boring Oscar-bait films. This year seems to be different though. There are some great, interesting dramas nominated—like “The Fabelmans” and “Tár”. There are some really exciting blockbusters up for a number of awards—like “Top Gun: Maverick” and “Avatar: The Way of Water”. There is a foreign film from Germany—”All Quiet on the Western Front”—up for nine Oscars. With a wider variety of movies and multiple fan favorites among the ten Best Picture nominees, this year will prove to be the most exciting Academy Awards since 2019—where a non-English film, “Parasite”, took home the biggest award for the first time.

Best Picture

Nominees:

All Quiet On The Western Front

Avatar: The Way of Water

The Banshees of Inisherin

Elvis

Everything Everywhere All At Once

The Fabelmans

Tár

Top Gun: Maverick

Triangle of Sadness

Women Talking

My Pick: Everything Everywhere All At Once

Who Will Probably Win: Everything Everywhere All At Once

“Everything Everywhere” is probably the strongest Best Picture frontrunner in the past twenty years—at least since “The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King” in 2003. The film has so far won a clean sweep at the Golden Globes, BAFTAs, SAG Awards, Critics’ Choice Awards, Hollywood Critics Association Awards, Producers Guild of America Awards, Independent Spirit Awards, Directors Guild of America Awards and Writers Guild of America Awards. If it does not win Best Picture next weekend, I would be genuinely amazed.

Best Actor

Nominees: 

Austin Butler, Elvis

Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin

Brendan Fraser, The Whale

Paul Mescal, Aftersun

Bill Nighy, Living

My Pick: Paul Mescal

Who Will Probably Win: Brendan Fraser

I love Brendan Fraser like everyone else, but I also do not wish to see anything related to Darren Aronofsky or his films be rewarded. I hope Fraser will eventually win an award for his acting skill, because I think he is a great actor. Just not for such a fake-deep Aronofsky movie. Paul Mescal’s performance in “Aftersun” bears so much emotional depth and is even more impressive when realizing that this film is his first ever performance in a leading movie role.

Best Actress

Nominees:

Cate Blanchett, Tár

Ana De Armas, Blonde

Andrea Riseborough, To Leslie

Michelle Williams, The Fabelmans

Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All At Once

My Pick: Michelle Yeoh

Who Will Probably Win: Michelle Yeoh

I have not watched “Blonde” or “To Leslie”, so I cannot comment on the performances of either Ana de Armas nor Andrea Riseborough. Michelle Williams was really good in “The Fabelmans. Cate Blanchett gave a career-best performance in “Tár”, and I think she is the only nominee with any chance of beating Michelle Yeoh. The frontrunner, Yeoh, will likely win though and deserves the Oscar. She gives a deep multifaceted performance to which no other performance in this category could compare.

Best Supporting Actress

Nominees:

Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Hong Chau, The Whale

Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin

Jaime Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All At Once

Stephanie Hsu, Everything Everywhere All At Once

My Pick: Stephanie Hsu, Everything Everywhere All At Once

Who Will Probably Win: Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Stephanie Hsu’s performance in “Everything Everywhere” was devastating. Therefore it was really disappointing to see her snubbed time and time again early on in awards season. I am happy to see her nominated and want her to win, but I think the Oscar will likely go to Angela Bassett. The “Wakanda Forever” actress has swept almost every major award this year aside from the SAG Awards—who gave the best Supporting Actress Award to Jaime Lee Curtis.

Best Supporting Actor

Nominees:

Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin

Brian Tyree Henry, Causeway

Judd Hirsch, The Fabelmans

Barry Keoghan, The Banshees of Inisherin

Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All At Once

My Pick: Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All At Once

Who Will Probably Win: Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All At Once

This category feels like a lock. Ke Huy Quan’s performance in “Everything Everywhere” is incredible, and this actor has such a feel-good comeback story. Gleeson, Henry, and Keoghan are all good in their roles, yet none stand a chance of beating Quan at this point. The only problem I have with this category is that I wish Paul Dano was nominated for “The Fabelmans” instead of Judd Hirsch.

Best Director

Nominees:

Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin

Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All At Once

Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans

Todd Field, Tár

Ruben Östlund, Triangle of Sadness

My Pick: Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All At Once

Who Will Probably Win: Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All At Once

While I would not be mad if Spielberg wins for his movie about his childhood, the Daniels—Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert—have also swept nearly every Best Director Award this year. I would be surprised if they lose the Oscar.

Here are some quick picks and predictions for other Oscar categories:

Best Original Screenplay

Nominees:

The Banshees of Inisherin

Everything Everywhere All at Once

The Fabelmans

Tár

Triangle of Sadness

My Pick: Everything Everywhere All at Once

Who Will Probably Win: Everything Everywhere All at Once

Best Adapted Screenplay

Nominees:

All Quiet on the Western Front

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Living

Top Gun: Maverick

Women Talking

My Pick: Glass Onion

Who Will Probably Win: Women Talking

Best Score

All Quiet on the Western Front

Babylon

The Banshees of Inisherin

Everything Everywhere All at Once

The Fabelmans

My Pick: Babylon

Who Will Win: Babylon

Note: Justin Hurwitz’ score for “Babylon” is easily one of the best scores of the past decade.

Best Production Design

All Quiet on the Western Front

Avatar: The Way of Avatar

Babylon

Elvis

The Fabelmans

My Pick: Babylon

Who Will Win: Avatar: The Way of Avatar

Best Visual Effects

All Quiet on the Western Front

Avatar: The Way of Avatar

The Batman

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Top Gun: Maverick

My Pick: Avatar: The Way of Avatar

Who Will Win: Avatar: The Way of Avatar

Best Sound

All Quiet on the Western Front

Avatar: The Way of Avatar

The Batman

Elvis

Top Gun: Maverick

My Pick: The Batman

Who Will Win: Top Gun: Maverick

Note: In an ideal world, “Tár” would not only be nominated for Best Sound but win this category.

Best Costume Design

Babylon

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Elvis

Everything Everywhere All at Once

Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris

My Pick: Everything Everywhere All at Once

Who Will Win: Elvis

Best Cinematography

All Quiet on the Western Front

BARDO, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths

Elvis

Empire of Light

Tár

My Pick: All Quiet on the Western Front

Who Will Win: BARDO, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths

Best Animated Film

Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio

Marcel the Shell With Shoes On

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

The Sea Beast

Turning Red

My Pick: Marcel the Shell With Shoes On

Who Will Win: Pinocchio

Best Make-Up and Hairstyling

All Quiet on the Western Front

The Batman

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Elvis

The Whale

My Pick: All Quiet on the Western Front

Who Will Win: Elvis

Best Editing

The Banshees of Inisherin

Elvis

Everything Everywhere All at Once

Tár

Top Gun: Maverick

My Pick: Everything Everywhere All at Once

Who Will Win: Everything Everywhere All at Once or Tár 

Who do you think will win? Do you agree with my picks? Let The Collegian know!

What Marvel Movies Get Wrong

Arts & Entertainment

Anthony Pantalone, Editor

With the recent release of “Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania,” the Marvel Cinematic Universe now touts thirty-one movies and eight television shows released over a span of almost fifteen years. While its newest film, “Quantumania”, is being critically maligned for a variety of reasons, this article will not be delving into any critiques or analyses of that film. People can dunk on Marvel for many things. If you’re Martin Scorsese, these movies represent the creatively bankrupt commodification of cinema and the destruction of the independent theater industry. Also, how Joss Whedon’s tongue-in-cheek writing has nearly ruined humor for all big studio blockbusters, for others, the breakneck pace of film and television show releases has created fatigue in even the most avid follower of this global franchise. I am not here to offer any substantial contributions to Marvel discourse. Simply put, there is not much left to say that hasn’t already been said much more eloquently by another person. What I will discuss, however,  is a problem that has plagued these movies for the last decade: color and color grading.

Color grading can have a positive, creative effect on films of any genre. In many movies, it can help establish a certain mood or atmosphere or be used as a creative tool for filmmakers. The film industry has played with color in shots since the dawn of color in cinema. On film, the process was referred to as “color timing” and has always been an important element of the filmmaking process. With the rise of digital filmmaking in the new millennium though, color grading has seen a monumental shift. As Emily St. James writes, colors in many films and television shows all now “have been pulled way back, giving everything a slightly washed-out appearance.”

Now the desaturated, “slightly washed out” look in modern digital color grading does not always have to be a weakness towards a film. This look again can be effectively employed to have a profound effect on the viewer. Denis Villenueve’s devastating sci-fi thriller “Arrival” appears mostly devoid of color yet makes this creative choice with purpose. In an effort to not spoil a movie that came out seven years ago, I won’t say exactly what happens in the movie. The desaturated grading though makes the viewer feel like they are in an ethereal trance—a dreamy state in which they can become unstuck in time like a Vonnegut character.

via Paramount Pictures

Arrival (dir. Denis Villenueve, 2016)

Also, color grading has been utilized in the past decade to great effect when specifically used to emphasize certain colors. A good example of this idea is the use of yellow in “Magic Mike”.

via Warner Bros. Pictures

Magic Mike (dir. Steven Soderbergh, 2011)

Outdoor scenes in Magic Mike look like they were bleached yellow. Typically some of the only scenes in which this color grading is not noticeable is during performances at Mike’s club. Outside though, the yellow color palette bleeds through every shot and conveys the greed and instability of the recession era in which the film is set. The movie looking sun-bleached is supposed to make you as the viewer feel that something is off or amiss. It’s a creative choice to highlight the setting and themes of the story. For the protagonist Mike, his financial predicament prohibits him from doing what he truly wants to do, which is making furniture—even though he has the money to start a business. Instead he is forced to continue his life in the Florida male stripper scene where every single aspect of his life feels transactional and his body has been commodified by his employer. He therefore feels aimless and lost in this fast paced lifestyle. The color grading establishes that mood and feeling perfectly.

In the Coen Brothers’ “O Brother, Where Art Thou”, digital color grading was seen as revolutionary as this motion picture used it to make the feel like the era in which it was set: the Great Depression.

via Buena Vista Pictures Distribution

O Brother, Where Art Thou (dir. Joel and Ethan Coen, 2000)

In Sofia Coppola’s “The Virgin Suicides”, color timing successfully captures a feeling of nostalgia for the 1970s and a dreamlike trance that permeates throughout the film.

via Paramount Pictures

The Virgin Suicides (dir. Sofia Coppola, 1999)

The issue with the Marvel movies though is desaturation. These movies should feel colorful and vibrant, but Marvel Studios’ color grading makes them feel bland. Video essayist Patrick H Willems made a video delving into the color grading of this franchise back in 2016, but the problem has only been exacerbated in the years since. The reason why they depend on such strong gray color grading is pretty simple. Cutting CGI costs. 

via Marvel Studios

When a Marvel movie features messy or unfinished CGI, desaturating color in a shot is the method by which they get around this problem. It’s almost common knowledge at this point that Marvel overworks, underpays, abuses and even threatens to blacklist the VFX artists they contract. A lot of work is still being finished even up until the very day of release of a movie—and even in some cases after the film had already been released like with “Thor: Love and Thunder”. With a release schedule that has only continued to intensify in the past few years, unfinished CGI has become more noticeable in their films. Marvel utilizes it to help cover these costs while trying to make their films at least watchable still.

via Marvel Studios

A prime example of this color grading and CGI having a negative effect on a good Marvel film is “Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings” which came out in September 2021. In what is otherwise a great movie, the entire third act of the film feels entrenched in a dark gray confusing cloud. This creative decision that negatively affects the film is due to the excessive amounts of CGI. Now they could have simply spent more money to make it look better, but that decision would not have been financially advantageous even though it radically hinders the film and the viewer experience. This decision is contributing to why audiences are growing fatigued with Marvel. More and more products for audiences to consume but with increasingly lesser visual quality.

One of the worst offenders of this color grading is Avengers: Age of Ultron.

via Marvel Studios

via Marvel Studios

The grayish color added in post-production as an extra layer of protection for the CGI simply makes everything feel blander and boring. Hulk’s color looks more grayish than green. The reds in the outfits of Captain America, Thor, and Iron Man don’t pop visually on the screen even though they ideally should. Captain America’s shield looks almost completely gray. This shot of the main protagonists all together should feel exciting. And it doesn’t.

via Marvel Studios

Best of 2022: Film Part 2

Arts & Entertainment

Anthony Pantalone, Editor

I have dragged this list out long enough, so now I am here to end it. The top five films in this list are all perfect 10-out-of-10s to me and were very difficult to comparatively rank. All in all, 2022 was a great year in film, and here is hoping that 2023 is nearly as great.

via Universal Pictures

8. Nope

Jordan Peele’s filmography stands as one of the most exciting bodies of work in Hollywood today, and his movies get more interesting and exciting with each new entry. “Nope” is the Jordan Peele screenplay with the most depth compared to his first two films. This comparison does not mean his other two films are not incredible on their own. It is just obvious that Peele came out with so much to say with” Nope”. Speaking with forethought and diligence on the topics of the “othering” of black professionals in Hollywood, processing collective traumas, spectacle, the pandemic, and animals. Aside from Peele’s career screenplay work in “Nope”, this director shows off his skill as a blockbuster filmmaker. This movie also boasts some of the best cinematography and sound design of the year. And a great score from Michael Abels. Keke Palmer and Daniel Kaluuya also stand out as two highlight performances among the cast. Kaluuya’s understated work in this role fits perfectly to how Peele wrote his character. It’s obvious at this point that Kaluuya is Jordan Peele’s creative muse akin to the De Niro-Scorsese creative relationship. For more, see my September 2022 review of “Nope”

via Netflix

7. All Quiet on the Western Front

I have to preface this with the statement that I am not overly fond of war movies. Most war movies are anti-war movies, but some feel like they glorify all this death and human suffering with tales of heroism and bravery. Like I get the point for some of them. Honestly, I do. Seeing a WWII veteran react to “Saving Private Ryan’s” Normandy scene is powerful. Still, I just never feel comfortable with the idea of accidentally glorifying war by propping up the genre of war movies. A portion of the genre always feels veiled in some layer of propaganda. Watching a movie with so much tragedy and death should make you feel deeply uncomfortable and miserable. And that is what “All Quiet on the Western Front” does. This film—just this past weekend—won the BAFTA for Best Picture. This movie’s score is incredible and strikes an uneasiness inside the viewer that aligns well with the content of the film. This film’s own historical and personal importance played a factor in its placement here among my best movies of the year. The 1929 book “All Quiet On the Western Front” and its 1930 film adaptation were landmark anti-war works internationally renowned and controversial during their release. In my own experience as a child, the scene in the mortar shell crater in which Paul fights and stabs an enemy French soldier to survive had a major effect on me. After this protagonist fatally injures the other soldier during their struggle he finds pictures of the soldier’s family and then breaks down—knowing that he is not up against a faceless enemy and is fighting other living breathing human beings with feelings, thoughts and people who love them. In retrospect, I should not have been watching a movie with such heavy subject matter at such a young age, but it showed me then how wrong the glorification of war was. This new adaptation is so successful for me personally, because it is almost as impactful as that experience with the original film. 

via Searchlight Pictures

6. The Banshees of Inisherin

“The Banshees of Inisherin” is Martin McDonagh at the height of his screenwriting powers—pairing a grand melancholic Irish psychodrama about this nation’s violence in the 20th Century with a story of friendship and despair. The performances are incredible. People continue lauding Colin Farrell’s “You used to be nice” monologue and deservedly so. The four central characters to the story—Padraic, Colm, Siobhan, and Dominic—are all tragically written with precision and care, and Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Kerry Condon, and Barry Keoghan all respectively do a great job. For more on “Banshees”, check out my review from November 2022.

via MGM Studios Inc.

5. Bones and All

Luca Guadagnino’s first film in almost four years sees this director team up again with Timothee Chalamet—albeit with a much darker movie this time around. “Bones and All” might be a film about cannibals, but it is also a really effective blend of the romance and horror genres. It is probably one of the darkest films I have seen this year but also tonally one of the best. Set against the backdrop of the Midwest in Reagan-era America, cannibalism is used as a metaphor for “otherness.” The protagonist Maren—played by Taylor Russell—and Chalamet’s Lee have to come of age and traverse a rural America that is hostile to who they are on a fundamental level. They have to do all this while escaping other cannibals who wish harm to them. Among the haziness and horror of their existence, they find each other in what is one of the best films of the year. Guadagnino somehow makes you feel for and care about this romantic relationship while keeping you terrified. This feat luckily is carried out by this filmmaker who has already individually mastered the romance genre with “Call Me By Your Name” and the horror genre with “Suspiria”. In “Bones and All”, he combines the two.

via CJ Entertainment

4. Decision to Leave

“Decision to Leave” has more personality than almost any other movie to come out this year. Therefore, it was surprising to learn that Park Chan-wook’s newest film did not earn a Best International Film Academy Award nomination and was snubbed consistently despite widespread critical acclaim. Whether it is a fast paced police chase or a slow conversation, the film’s editing leaves you on the edge of your seat hanging onto every shot or every word. My November 2022 review of the film goes more in depth in what makes this film so great.

via Pyramide Distribution

3. Petite Maman

I love Céline Sciamma. In a similar way that her last film “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” feels like it consumes you in a slow, controlled burn, “Petite Maman” feels like the cinematic equivalent of a tender cathartic hug after crying really really hard. It is a movie that evokes the experience of getting hit with a cool fall breeze and feeling nostalgia for your entire childhood in a single moment. It tells the story of a young girl, Nelly, who meets a young girl in the woods after the death of her grandmother and the abrupt departure of her grieving mother. She soon comes to learn that the young girl is actually her mother in the past, and the film thus focuses on the friendship between the two girls. Costume design is a particular strong aspect of “Petite Maman” as the warm tones and colors of the outfits all create a warm, loving atmosphere that permeates throughout the movie. This warm, loving feeling thus contrasts with the theme of grief and loneliness that Nelly feels at the loss of her grandmother and feeling abandoned by her mother in the modern day. Essentially, this movie takes the premise of the question “Do you think you would have been friends with your parent at your age?” and then slowly wears down the audience emotionally until they feel raw and vulnerable.

via A24

2. Aftersun

“Aftersun”, director Charlotte Wells’ debut feature, is about the struggle of holding onto one’s memories of their parents. Wells analyzes the difficulty of reconciling one’s idealized view of their parent with the stark reality of who that parent actually is. The film’s story is about Sophie, an adult in the present who is looking back at home videos of a vacation with her father Calum when she was eleven. Her father is kind and loving, but Sophie is forced to grapple with the fact that her father was much a deeper and more complex person than she had ever imagined. He is thoughtful and cares about his daughter, but a deep, deep sadness and depression lies below throughout their trip. Sophie must contend with this fact as a new parent in the present day and think about how her father did as a parent. There is an intensely bittersweet feeling that emotionally wounds the audience when hit with this realization. Also, the depth of Calum is masterfully portrayed by Paul Mescal—who has earned an Oscar nomination for his first-ever leading role in a film. “Aftersun” went under the radar for many people this year and it should not have. It features the best use of a song in a movie all year with the Queen/David Bowie song “Under Pressure” in a scene in the film’s final minutes.

via A24

1. Everything Everywhere All at Once

While “Aftersun” may have given it a run for its money in this list, “Everything Everywhere All at Once” easily took my top spot this year. It was always going to be number one. This movie encompasses so many themes and ideas yet somehow never feels too clunky or bloated. You can notice the spark and desire to create something wholly original and from the heart. In terms of acting, I am not over-exaggerating when saying I would put my life on the line for Ke Huy Quan and Michelle Yeoh. They are national treasures. Above everything else, “Everything Everywhere All at Once” is the creative tour de force that audiences have needed amidst the bleak, increasingly hopeless reality we live in today. It is a piece of art that leaves you gracious for being where you are with the people you are there with. For more on my number one movie of the past year, read my April 2022 review of “Everything Everywhere All at Once”

Movies I have not watched yet that could affect this list:

Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio

The Woman King

BARDO, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths

Women Talking

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

She Said

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Review: Stephen Sanchez Concert

Arts & Entertainment

Bethany Macwana, Staff

Feb. 16 – World Café Live, Philadelphia 

“Hold her while you can, cause someday you won’t get the chance.” 

Walking hand in hand with one of my dearest friends, we make our way down to the World Café Live, ready to enter the world of Stephen Sanchez. The World Café Live might very well be one of the coolest live music venues in the city. This space, which runs as an independent, non-profit, music venue was very neat. The main floor was stocked with a full bar with little bar stools around it. This area overlooks the pit, with the stage set up by the front of the room. Above the bar area, there was a balcony that overlooked the whole space. 

My friend and I went to the pit, and we were right in the middle, but all the way in the back. Even though we seemed far from the stage, the venue was not too big, so we felt pretty close. There was a wide range of people in the crowd, from college age students, to older couples there for a Valentine’s date night, to even younger children tagging along with their parents. Even though this was my first time at this venue, it felt comfortable and familiar to me. My friend and I passed the time talking with each other and catching up before the opening act took the stage. It had been a very long time since we had hung out, so it felt nice to fall back into our own rhythm together again.  

Before long, the lights dimmed and the opening act Kings Elliot took the stage. Her songs were melancholic as most of them were based on her personal experience with mental health. I did not even realize that she was going to be the opening act, but I am really glad that she was because I really loved her sound. Clear and crisp, her voice carried throughout the space and filled the room. Even though her songs were more of a serious nature, they were definitely songs that stuck with me and something that I would add to my playlist.  

Soon the atmosphere changed, and I knew it was going to be time to see the headliner of the show: Stephen Sanchez. The lights dimmed once again, and these round lights on the stage began to shine and they were pretty bright, like a dazzling glow. Soon, the main act himself burst onto the stage. I could tell at that moment that Stephen was a born performer. He immediately captivated the audience with his smooth voice, high energy, and lovable personality. I knew then that this was going to be a great show, and it only got better.  

Once he wrapped up the first couple songs, he threw his guitar pick into the crowd, but everyone was too mesmerized by him, no one really noticed. Except me. I bent down, turned my flashlight on, and right by my foot, I saw it! His guitar pick! It was a surreal moment; I really felt like I was the main character. However, truthfully, I felt like I wanted to give it to someone else. Standing next to me and my friend were a teenage couple and since Valentine’s Day had just passed, I figured “love in the air” and gave the pick to the girl, after I was able to give it a kiss and grab a quick picture with it.  

Stephen did a great job engaging with the crowd. He sampled one of his new songs “Only Girl,” and even taught the crowd the chorus so we could all sing along with him. Some other sweet songs he sang were “Hold Her While You Can,” “Lady by the Sea” and the song that blew up on TikTok, “Until I Found You.” His energy went all over the place, from a soft crooning lovey dovey voice, to jumping around the stage with his guitar in hand. In between songs, it was cute to see Stephen hug his bandmates and show his appreciation for them.  

Something that I also enjoyed during the show was towards the end. His band went off-stage, and Stephen played a few songs by himself with just his guitar. It was a nice change of space, without the flashy lights or heavy guitar or drums. Just hearing him have full control of his voice as he serenaded the crowd. During this time, it was sweet to see the couples hold onto each other and sway to his pretty voice.  

Although it was sad to see the show end, it was so magical. The venue had a disco ball, and it was so cool to see an actual disco ball shine and glitter during the last few songs. This was my first being in the presence of an actual disco ball and I am so happy I got to experience it. It really was the icing on the cake. It was the perfect ending to a really fun concert. Even though Stephen Sanchez is just at the starting line of his career, I can tell he is going to stick around for a while and I am excited to see where he goes from here. 

Interview: Dave Franco & Alison Brie discuss their new film “Somebody I Used To Know”

Arts & Entertainment

Anthony Pantalone, Editor

On Feb. 9, I had the opportunity to attend a premiere screening of Dave Franco and Alison Brie’s new film “Somebody I Used To Know” and the next day speak to them about the film along with a panel of other college journalists. “Somebody I Used To Know” is the second film from the married creative duo of Franco and Brie in which Franco directs and Brie stars—the first being 2020’s horror-thriller “The Rental”. This movie—co-written by this couple—is a hard turn from the horror genre and is a romantic comedy that takes on all the classic notions of what a romantic comedy should be. 

“Somebody I Used To Know” tells the story of Ally (Alison Brie) who returns home amid roadblocks in her professional career. Once home, Ally is forced to contend with her own life decisions when faced with her ex Sean (Jay Ellis) and his soon-to-be wife Cassidy (Kiersey Clemons)—a woman who reminds the protagonist of who she used to be. It takes this tried and true concept and adds fresh, self-aware characters with modern sensibilities. 

via Amazon Studios

Dave Franco, in his sophomore directorial feature, is well-known for his acting career—starring in such popular films as the “21 Jump Street” franchise alongside Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum and the “Neighbors” franchise with Zac Efron and Seth Rogan. Franco continues along this new chapter of his career—expanding the notion of how audiences perceive him with both this film and “The Rental”.  Alison Brie, most well-known for her previous role in the beloved sitcom “Community”, has become a successful leading actress, writer, and producer in her own right in recent years with 2020’s “Horse Girl” and 2022’s “Spin Me Round.” To its benefit, this film also features a great soundtrack, a reunion between two “Community” alums—Brie and Danny Pudi—and an incredible comedic performance from Haley Joel Osment. 

via Amazon Studios

At this roundtable panel, I and other journalists from local universities had the chance to sit down with Franco and Brie and ask them a question about the movie and their filmmaking process. Here is the transcript of my discussion with them at the event:

Host: This is Anthony Pantalone from The La Salle Collegian.

Dave Franco: Hello.

Alison Brie: Hello. Lasallian… Lasallian rapscallion.

(laughs)

Anthony Pantalone: “Somebody I Used To Know” does a great job of subverting the romcom genre and the tropes that typically also come with it. Why was it important to challenge these tropes that come with romantic-comedies?

Franco: I think our intention with everything we work is try to bring something new to the table. Something you haven’t seen before. And that doesn’t mean completely reinventing the wheel, but we love romantic-comedies. And we used what we know and love about them to lead the audience down a certain path where they might think “Oh, I know where this is going” and then pull the rug out from underneath them every step of the way. So hopefully all the twists and turns do feel surprising and original. 

Brie: Yeah, I feel like it’s like that old adage “you need to know the rules to break the rules.” And that feels especially true of rom-coms, because people who love them really know the formula. People who hate them even really know the formula. That’s almost why they hate them. I think we took that as a challenge to be like, “Okay, can we make something that is at the same time an ode to the genre and also sort of the anti-rom-com at the same time. I think part of it just happened pretty organically over the course of writing [the film]. It’s not like we sat down and said, “Let’s make a rom-com but also…cool.” I think we genuinely love the genre and wanted to dive into it and as we followed the characters on their trajectories. And our style of what we gravitate towards is all character-driven, relationship-driven stories. As we delved into that, we wanted to make it as real as possible and sort of felt like characters in stories now—even they themselves—have seen all the rom-coms we’ve seen. So don’t they have that in their head too? We namecheck a lot of rom-coms and movies in general in this movie, because that’s a part of our vocabulary and how we speak to one another. So I think there was an organic nature to just following characters to their natural conclusions once we change one thing. Like the “Cassidy” character, the trope of the bride in a wedding rom-com. And we tuned into tweaking her character and sending her on a different trajectory. It shook everything up, and we kind of followed it.

Pantalone: Thank you.

“Somebody I Used to Know”—starring Alison Brie and directed by Dave Franco—is now available streaming on Amazon Prime Video.

I HAD THE CHANCE TO ASK BILLY RAFFOUL A FEW QUESTIONS

Arts & Entertainment

Jeriann Tripodi, Former A&E Editor

Header image: Vanessa Heins from Broadway World

Billy Raffoul is an alternative/indie singer, songwriter, guitarist and producer from Ontario. The award-winning artist connects with his audience through his powerful songwriting ability by using his lyrics to tell heartfelt stories. Raffoul has a growing fan base, as his music has been streamed over a hundred million times. He has also received praise from the magazines American Songwriter and Paste.

Billy Raffoul’s debut EP, “1975,” is available on iTunes for download. His upcoming EP, “I Wish You Were Here,” will be available March 24, 2023. Raffoul has also recently released fan-favorite singles such as “Bliss,” “I Wish You Were Here,” and “Jim Carrey.”

Billy Raffoul is currently on the “Best Night of My Life Tour” with the rock band American Authors. Raffoul took the time off from his busy schedule to answer a few questions. Let’s get to know him a little better. I hope you enjoy our Q&A session:

Q (JERIANN): Which song off your debut EP holds the most personal meaning for you?

A (BILLY RAFFOUL): My debut EP’s title track “1975” probably holds the most sentimental meaning to me. It’s a song about my mother’s upbringing and her strength. 

Q (JERIANN): What can the audience expect when they see you live in concert?

A (BILLY RAFFOUL): A little bit of everything! I have a lot of songs that are intimately acoustic and then some that are rockers with the band. When you come see us live, I want to give you some of each. Anthemic sing-alongs and quiet acoustic moments. 

Q (JERIANN): Growing up, which artists did you listen to that inspired you musically?

A (BILLY RAFFOUL): The Beatles, Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan, to name a few! 

Q (JERIANN): What advice would you give to young aspiring musicians?

A (BILLY RAFFOUL): Keep going! Revel in the good times. Really take in the great shows and the feeling of writing something you’re proud of because there will be lows. If you have something you’ve created that you really feel good about, put it out there! 

You can see Billy Raffoul live in concert in Philadelphia on Feb. 17 at World Café Live. The singer-songwriter will also be appearing at other US venues up until March 12. Below is the schedule of Billy Raffoul’s tour dates:

2023 NORTH AMERICAN TOUR WITH AMERICAN AUTHORS

Feb. 10 — Fairfield, CT — The Warehouse

Feb. 11 — Carlisle, PA — Anita Tuvin Schlechter Auditorium

Feb. 15 — Virginia Beach, VA — Elevation 27

Feb. 16 — Washington, D.C. — Union Stage

Feb. 17 — Philadelphia, PA — World Café Live

Feb. 18 — New York, NY — Racket

Feb. 19 — Allston, MA — Brighton Music Hall

Feb. 21 — Pittsburgh, PA — Thunderbird Music Hall

Feb. 23 — Madison, WI — Majestic Theatre

Feb. 24 — Minneapolis, MN — Fine Line

Feb. 25 — Chicago, IL — Bottom Lounge

Feb. 26 — St. Louis, MO — Old Rock House

Feb. 28 — Englewood, CO — Gothic Theatre

March 2 — Salt Lake City, UT — Metro Music Hall

March 3 — Las Vegas, NV — Red Rock Casino

March 4 — Anaheim, CA — The Parish at House of Blues Anaheim

March 5 — Phoenix, AZ — Last Exit Live

March 7 — Solana Beach, CA — Belly Up

March 8 — West Hollywood, CA — Troubadour

March 9 — San Francisco, CA — August Hall

March 11 — Portland, OR — Hawthorne Theater

March 12 — Seattle, WA — Neumos

Check out the official Billy Raffoul website for merchandise and more information.

Review: Suki Waterhouse Concert 

Arts & Entertainment

Bethany Macwana, Staff 

“I follow the neon signs to your heart.” 

The electric buzz in the air immediately surged through me as I walked through the doors of Union Transfer, a concert venue in Spring Garden. Union Transfer is one of the many live music venues in Philadelphia. On January 27, I had the unbelievable chance to see British singer-songwriter Suki Waterhouse perform a sold-out show. 

Suki’s voice sounded comforting, yet innovative. Her melodies and harmonies became amplified by the edge found in the rock-pop element she brings to the table. Seeing her was really just a stroke of good timing. I was on the phone with my sister talking about the idea of doing more things in the city, and I told her about the concert. She jumped to action and found out some tickets were still left for the show. I grabbed my wallet and, probably in the span of 5 minutes, two tickets were secured. This happened about three days before the show, so the excitement within me was very high. This being my first show of 2023, I was super excited. 

Having my sister come down for the weekend to hang out with me and to see the show was really sweet. It had been a while since I have seen her or have spent time with her, so going to a concert together was a neat experience. 

The walls of Union Transfer have seen a lot before becoming the beloved music venue that it is today. In the past, this space was utilized as a luggage storehouse for a baggage company. The current space has been renovated since. The exterior looked like just about any other regular building you would find, but the interior took the cake. I loved the high ceilings with the exposed beams and the chandeliers that created the ambiance of close gatherings and good times. There was a bar towards the back and even loft areas on the top catwalk, so people could stand and watch the show from a bird’s eye perspective. 

Me, on the other hand, I enjoyed the vibrancy of being in the pit alongside the pool of people surged to the front, mere feet away from the stage. In this tighter space, I felt like I connected better to the music and the true experience of seeing and hearing live performances. Being alongside so many people reminded me of the reach that music has. The general audience of the crowd were mostly people that looked like me, young college students, but there were some people that seemed older too. It reminded me that even if we all look so different, we were there together for one reason, and that is the beauty that is found in music. 

The opening act, Blondshell, started the night on the right foot, welcoming the crowd and leading us into a lull with her sweet voice. I especially liked her song “Olympus.” Definitely give it a listen. Blondshell’s set was the perfect length, long enough to get you in the mood and also preparing yourself for the true show, the headliner. Once Blondshell wrapped up their set, the anticipation within me was heightened. My sister and I were able to get close to the front, but we were on the left side of the pit, so we saw everything from a side angle. Paired with the fact that I am a little on the shorter side, it was not the most ideal spot, but since we were still so close to the front, I would not want to move anywhere else. 

The moment that Suki came onto stage, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. Up until this moment, I did not really know what to expect, but she truly captivated the audience with her grace, powerful voice, and sweetness. Suki’s charming nature was evident as she participated in someone’s BeReal and took photos on the stage in between songs. She was so happy to just be there and that made the whole night even sweeter. I loved hearing her perform one of my favorite songs “Melrose Meltdown”, and even other great ones like, “Nostalgia” and the namesake of the tour “Coolest Place in the World.” 

The absolute most incredible moment during the show was when she looked at me. Okay, this can be debatable, but I promise you, Suki Waterhouse, and yours truly locked eyes during the performance, and she did not break eye contact either! Our gazes held one another for a good 10 seconds, at least, while she sang. At this moment, I could have just melted. Seeing an artist that I grew so fond of and for her to see me, in a sea of people, I do not think there could be anything more fantastic than that. 

The night ended with Suki performing her song that blew up on TikTok a while back, “Good Looking,” and before I knew it, the multicolor lights dimmed, and the chandelier lights came back on. The past two hours that I was there felt like it happened in a blur, but I felt this serendipitous state of mind. I felt like I was just on cloud nine, and I felt so happy. My sister left to grab her coat from coat check, and I even got a chance to meet the opening act’s lead singer Sabrina! 

The night ended from there, but the memories will stay with me forever. I am going to my grave, fully believing that in those brief 10 seconds, Suki Waterhouse serenaded me during her amazing performance in Philly. 

My 10 Least Favorite Songs of 2022

Arts & Entertainment

Chude Uzoka-Anofienem, Staff 

2022 felt like a weird year for music to me. It seemed like every song that I’d hear on the radio, I was thinking to myself, “who the heck is this?”, making me feel as out of touch as the older adults in my life who say, “you’re the only way I hear about new music.” The fact that I’m still listening to radio is probably part of the problem, but basically what happens is a song gets popular on TikTok, and then makes the rounds on Spotify, which gets it to chart on Billboard, and then it starts to receive radio airplay. A month later, your mom’s in the car singing along to a song your favorite TikToker used in their video and now it’s not cool anymore. There were lots of songs this year that I liked (Silk Sonic being my favorite act that delivered this year), but there were lots that I could do without. 

Before I get into the actual list, here are some dishonorable mentions:

Big Energy by Latto

Sweetest Pie by Dua Lipa & Megan Thee Stallion 

pushin P by Gunna & Future ft. Young Thug

Fingers Crossed by Lauren Spencer Smith

Broadway Girls by Lil Durk ft. Morgan Wallen

Bet On Me by Walk off the Earth ft. D Smoke

Music for a Sushi Restaurant by Harry Styles

She Likes It by Russell Dickerson ft. Jake Scott

Made You Look by Meghan Trainor 

#10 Woman by Doja Cat 

Review: Doja Cat album stumbles at first but finishes strong | AP News
via Kemosabe Records

When I first heard this song, I thought, “What’s a ‘wooma’”? Turns out she’s putting on weird Patois, which is about as out-of-place as me “axing you question, no cap!” Doja Cat, born in Los Angeles to a Jewish mom and a South African dad, is trying to sound like she’s from the Caribbean, when the closest island she was born to was Santa Cruz. Now it’s no secret that Doja Cat is trying to sound like Rihanna, as in the song she says, “I could be the CEO, just look at Robyn Fenty.” Doja, it’s okay. We don’t need a replacement for Ri-Ri. Truth be told, I really didn’t miss her.

#9 Super Gremlin by Kodak Black

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via Atlantic Records

I have never, for the life of me, been able to understand the appeal of this guy. His flow is nasal and slurred, his writing is sloppy, and I can never get over his voice. He sounds like a coclique baby crying itself to sleep. ZEZE, the one song from him that I can stomach, was saved by the steel drums and contributions from Travis Scott and Offset. Kodak Black, who gets in trouble with the law about as often as I get gas, had the ninth most popular song of 2022 and it doesn’t really do much to impress me in any way. The chipmunk vocal sample grew on my nerves in record time, the trap beat is completely hackneyed, we get several poop references throughout the song, and he talks about taking fake drugs, which can lead to at best the worst trip of your life and at worst a surprise OD. Apparently, this song is a diss track towards somebody named Jackboy, who’s a member of Kodak Black’s Sniper Gang crew, but the lines are so interspersed with the bragging that I could hardly notice. Kodak Black frames himself here as a troubled antihero who’s on a redemption arc, which is always essential for a flimsy justification for defending him. When it comes to this song and gremlins in general, I’d like a little sunlight.

#8 Boyfriend by Dove Cameron

Boyfriend (Dove Cameron song) - Wikipedia
via Columbia Records

From what I’ve been able to gather, Dove Cameron is kind of like this generation’s Miley Cyrus, but on a much smaller scale. Whereas Miley Cyrus skyrocketed to fame as a child star with Hannah Montana and then went on to have 8 top ten hits as an adult, Cameron was on a show where she played her own twin and then played Maleficent’s daughter in a made-for-TV movie and then……this. In this song, she sees a girl who’s with this jerk of a guy (we have to assume) and thinks she can treat her better, in a sort of gender-swapped version of Shawn Mendes’ “Treat You Better”. It sounds like it was made in some smokey lounge and then they invited an EDM artist to completely ruin the afterparty.

“Never would have left you alone/ For someone else to take you home.”

This just seals the deal. That girl’s all by herself, because her man stepped away from her for a few seconds and Cameron thinks she’s fair game to be taken home by someone else. Let’s all thank Dove Cameron for showing everyone that a bi girl can be just as big a sex pest as a frat guy. 

#7 I Ain’t Worried by OneRepublic

I Ain't Worried - Wikipedia
via Interscope Records

I don’t have much to say here. OneRepublic is a band that I don’t really care too much for. Ryan Tedder’s falsetto is something that I can tolerate from time to time. “Feel It Still” did grow on me, but this song feels like your short window of time is running out and you’re desperate for something to hold people’s attention – which is echoed in the melodic key progression. It feels like it’s trying to diffuse into some tension, but never reaches that point, only remaining in limbo and stagnation.

#6 Bring Back the Time by NKOTB and a bunch of old goobers from yesteryear

Bring Back The Time (Single) | New Kids On The Block - nkotb.blog
via Columbia Records

This may have been funny a few years ago, but it’s just sad now. In 2018, these guys released a song called “80s Baby”, which is pretty much the same as this just with different guest stars. This time, the Old Kids On the Porch teamed up with Rick Astley, En Vogue and Salt-N-Pepa for what is the musical equivalent of attending your twenty year high school reunion and then attending your twenty-five year high school reunion while telling the same stories. I’d like to mention that every year, the NKOTB have a cruise, where people who lost their looks a long time ago can spend a week on a boat in hopes that a half-drunk Donnie Wahlberg can sing to them one more time. 

“So Bring Back the Time/You know we still got the magic”

Yeah, keep telling yourself that, whatever helps you sleep at night.

#5 TO THE MOON by JNR Choi and Sam Tompkins

To the Moon (song) - Wikipedia
via Twitter

This song begins with an abbreviated cover of Bruno Mars’ ‘Talking to The Moon’ by UK singer-songwriter Sam Tompkins, whose crooning strips the song of R&B flavor. Since drill uses samples in this vein, and adds huge percussion over it, we have UK drill rapper JNR Choi, who dropped an album last year that hardly got any attention. On this song, he seems to be doing his best Pop Smoke impression and the song goes viral because the catchphrase ‘to the moon’ is common in the crypto scene. I mean, the cover single is literally a screenshot of Elon Musk tweeting it. Capitalizing on current trends would be enough to dislike this, but the drill beat is painfully sterile, and this guy JNR doesn’t acquit himself well at all. It’s a generic love and sex song and naturally it got an American remix, with Fivio Foreign and Gunna delivering more bland garbage. So, let’s be clear here: this song got popular because of a bad cover, an even worse remix and a crypto meme. This is less like Apollo 11 and more like Apollo 1 or 13, completely worthless.

#4 High by The Chainsmokers

High (The Chainsmokers song) - Wikipedia
via Columbia Records

After releasing new singles consistently from 2014 to 2019, The Chainsmokers took a three-year hiatus. Why would DJs who make music for people to dance to might not have put out any music during a pandemic, when lots of clubs were closed down? Who knows. But during the break, they spent a lot of time listening to the Arctic Monkeys. A lot of the songs seems to be reminiscent of that era. The song is about being an enabler to an addict who can’t change. Feel like there are some comparisons to be made to people who still listen to The Chainsmokers, despite the fact that even though they suck, they just can’t help themselves. Remember when they used to get singers like Halsey and Daya? They need to do that again, because—seriously they spent three years doing nothing—they couldn’t take a couple singing lessons. Nah, just overproduce the vocals and mask it with an awful beat and we’re good to go. I could say that people could only love this song when they’re high, but I don’t believe for a second that any drug would make this tolerable.

#3 h2hoe by cupcakKe

cupcakKe – H2hoe Lyrics | Genius Lyrics
via cupcakKe

 

Uhhhh, yeah, I can’t really type the lyrics to this song without having to delete it anyway. Anyway, for those who aren’t familiar with “cupcakKe”, (try not to cut yourself on the edge) her whole gimmick is that she’s a shock rapper. The “throw the GPS, make him come the fastest route” line made me laugh a bit, even if it is super clumsy. Honestly, I’m trying to say something about this song that won’t get me in trouble with my editor. Even though I really hate the cadence of this song, the worst part is that flute/recorder thing in the background. What is that? Overall, this song is just gratuitous for the sake of being gratuitous. It’s not particularly clever and there’s no message here, just her trying to say as many vulgar things as she can in three minutes to make a sixteen-year old’s laugh. If the goal was to expose the double standard of men being allowed to talk about sex whereas women aren’t, that would’ve been ok if Cardi B and Nicki Minaj didn’t already do this and showed the world that no one really cares outside of prudes who look like they avert their eyes whenever their wives take their socks off. I think this song is just as stupid and pointless as the rap songs about sex by men that I’ve made fun of in the past. 

Bandz a Make Her Dance - Wikipedia
via Kemosabe Records; This song by three men is just as derivative as the CupcakKe song.

#2 Rich Flex and Privileged Rappers by Drake & 21 Savage

Her Loss - Wikipedia
via OVO Sound and Republic Records

That’s right, it’s a two-way tie, but they both get the Rick Ross award for Fakest Rapper.

“Ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy, ayy

I’m on that Slaughter Gang sh!t, ayy, murder gang sh!t

Ayy, Slaughter Gang sh!t, ayy, murder gang sh!t, ayy”

I have a question for just about every rapper out there. Why do you let Drake get away with this? Is it because he’s so popular? That every time he releases an album every song from it is in the Top 20? Do you want to be nice to him so he might feature you and be left with the sloppy seconds from his Spotify pennies? If that’s not it, then why do you let him pretend he’s such a hard gangster when he’s an actor from Canada who has a career as a rapper because Lil Wayne was high on cough syrup and said he could be on Young Money. I mean, I get it, lots of rappers are full of it. Eazy-E, one of the grandfathers of Gangsta Rap, sold drugs and then became a rapper because he felt it was an easier way to make money. I get some of it’s an act. However, a lot of them came up in rough neighborhoods and they can rap about what happened to their friends or family. Drake grew up in a country that has an average of 145-gun homicides a year. A YEAR! And he’s talking about being “on that Slaughter Gang sh!t” and “chrome on chrome”. Get – and I can’t stress this enough – outta here with that! Then he has the gall to release a song called “Privileged Rappers” and it’s NOT about how easy he had it. In fact, he says this: “I hate a privileged rapper who don’t even know what it take”. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! You’re a privileged rapper, Aubrey! And I know Drake stans will be saying, “but didn’t you see that post from his first show?”

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via Instagram

This made the rounds on social media last October. He got paid $100 as the opener for a show in Toronto. You know who he opened for? ICE CUBE! Tell me who, in their first show, gets to be the opening act for a LEGEND. How does that happen without connections or privilege? Drake has so little self-awareness, he couldn’t tell you where his elbow is. Maybe next year he can write a song about how he hates Canadian rappers who had a friend whose dad was an acting agent which led to them doing over 100 episodes of TV, then had two uncles in the music industry and was able to somehow open for Ice Cube and then almost immediately, start working with Lil Wayne, who was the hottest rapper of the mid-to-late 2000s. It’s a real shame this man bought a $100,000,000 mansion and it didn’t come with a single mirror.

#1 ABCDEFU by Gayle

ABCDEFU - Wikipedia
via Atlantic Records

This song was released in 2021, but it didn’t blow up until February 2022, peaking at #3 on Billboard off the strength of angry teenage girls discovering it and using it in the TikToks to help them get through their funny little teenage breakups. Everything about this song is just horrendous. From the vocal fry singing to the lyrics where she outs herself as materialistic and self-centered. She’s mad that he has a relationship with his family, and I hate that basic guitar they buried in the instrumental so they could pretend this is a “rock” song. Finally, the whole reciting the alphabet gimmick is just childish. If “Numb Little Bug” was baby’s first ennui, then this is baby’s first teenage angst. It also goes without, but the sequence of letters in the title doesn’t spell anything. If you want to spell things, how about O N E – H I T  W O N D E R. Since releasing this song, she’s released five more; none of them charted. Her first EP debuted two months after this song’s peak success, hitting #138 on the Billboard 200 Album Chart. The slot above was Bob Seger’s Greatest Hits album. That’s right, her debut album got beat that week by a CD they’ve been selling at truck stops since before she was even born. Last but not least, I’d like to cap it off with this. She says “that sh!t you call art”. There’s an old saying Gayle, people in glass houses shouldn’t throw steaming piles of barely coherent, poorly produced, ultimately unlistenable pieces of excrement.